The Babe in the Bayou

HA!

2010-03-14T04:51:00.002-05:00

I can block people from this thing! That makes me thrilled to pieces! YAY!

PowerPacked To Help Kids Grow

2010-03-09T13:36:00.004-06:00

I keep forgetting to update this. I don't know why. I have stuff going on. I hear and see stuff and think, "I need to blog that.". I'm always thinking about it. Ugh!

I'll tell you one thing, though, I've been all abouts the Twitter lately. Almost obsessively checking it all day, everyday. I'm weird. I really just want to see Kevin Smith (@thatkevinsmith)'s and Wil Wheaton(@wilw)'s updates. Because I'm not obsessed or anything...

I'm actually in the hospital at the moment. My aunt has aspiration pneumonia, and I'm staying with her for a while. I stayed overnight last night, and it actually wasn't all that bad. I couldn't figure out how to unfold the chair all the way, but her nurse showed me and I felt stupid for not knowing. It was SO simple. Ack!

We're watching Let's Make a Deal. Not my choice. But my aunt's the patient, so it's her choice. I am SO bored. Can you tell? Lol.

Thinking about doing a blog-a-thon in April. Will get back to you. Will be recruiting some other bloggers to join me!

How To Make Me Happy: 100 Ways

2010-02-19T13:38:00.002-06:00

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of weeks, but I keep getting distracted. Oops! Anyway, here it goes:

1. Triple chocolate cookies
2. Baking
3. Random facts
4. Random texts
5. Pink lemonade
6. Writing
7. My birthstone
8. Rings
9. Making plans
10. Making lists
11. A good joke
12. Getting to be myself
13. Singing
14. Dancing
15. Inside jokes
16. Feminism
17. Equality
18. Making choices
19. Kevin Smith (actor, writer, director, producer, tweeter)
20. Having my bottom lip sucked on while making out
21. Making out
22. Goatees
23. Driving in my car
24. Riding a motorcycle
25. Having my hair combed
26. The color pink
27. Correct grammar and spelling
28. Boys kissing boys
29. Walking
30. The sound a stack of quarters makes on the counter
31. Reminising with friends
32. Flip flops
33. Hearing my children laugh
34. Waking up with, not one, but two little girls snuggled up to me
35. Jam hands
36. The silent moments with my kids
37. Jayde language
38. When the light goes on over Camy's head
39. Watching karma do it's magic
40. The white truck with the flames along the bottom
41. Marilyn Manson's version of "Tainted Love"
42. "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit
43. Nirvana
44. Jason Castro singing "If I Fell In Love
45. Bright Eyes
46. Texting with a certain man about nothing in partiular
47. Talking on the phone with the same certain man
48. Full moons
49. Garden State
50. Zach Braff
51. My evening walk
52. My iPod shuffle
53. Abstract thinking
54. Thinking outside the box
55. Bucking the system
56. Drawing
57. Old school video games
58. Old people who are still in love
59. Sex
60. Homemade Vanilla ice cream
61. Holding hands
62. Cuddling/snuggling
63. Bear hugs
64. Bare feet
65. Laughing until my sides hurt
66. Clerks 2 quote-a-thons with Tiana
67. Reading
68. Spending time outside
69. Coca-cola
70. My iPhone
71. Making up baby names
72. Listening to music
73. My car
74. Cube
75. Listening to my kids playing
76. Faery wings
77. Sleeping in
78. Vanilla chai lattes
79. Unexpected surprises
80. Movie night
81. Playing pool terribly and not caring
82. SModcasts
83. 2AM Sunday morning
84. Hiking
85. Camping
86. Trucks you have to climb into
87. Loud trucks you can hear a mile away
88. The Thursday night crew at DC-SPA
89. Watching the street performers in Jackson Square in NOLA
90. The World Showcase at Epcot
91. Sushi
92. Asian culture
93. The sound of rain on a tin roof
94. Foreign accents
95. Helping people
96. Making a difference in someone's life
97. Smiling until my cheeks hurt
98. Camera phone photography
99. Lemonheads
100. The first bite

And there are probably about 100 more. These are just the first 100 I thought of and are not in order of preference.

2010-02-05T08:17:00.001-06:00

I'm siiiiick! I have a pretty bad tummy ache in which I got from either Camryn or Jayde. I'm not quite clear which. It comes with a special surprise, too. But I'm not too worried about that. I'm too busy trying not to scream from the pain. I have too many nosy neighbors who would probably report me to the loony bin. Lol.

I've already had several mention that I don't wear shoes and that this concerns them. I don't know why. I'm from Mississippi, and I'm not all that used to shoes. I know it sounds stereotypical, but I seriously never wore shoes growing up. I once got stung in the bottom of my foot because I was going to play in my back yard and STEPPED on a bee. When I dislocated my elbow, I was outside, and had to put shoes on to go to the ER. My grandma has rocks in her driveway, millions and millions of rocks. But did this stop me from walking in it completely barefoot? Of course not! These people are pretty obsessed with it, though. And I just laugh it off. I don't have the heart to tell them that my feet are used to worse. Lol. Oy!!

2010-01-15T00:27:00.001-06:00

I love how he knows when I need him, even from 3,000 miles away. I love how sweet he is. I love how patient he is. I love how honest he is. I love how he doesn't mind my crazy, how he actually welcomes it. I love how he thanks me for giving him what he wants. I love how he can just "listen". I love how he just gets me. I love his weirdness, his inappropriateness, his appreciation for me. He likes me for me. And that's the best feeling. It's a weird feeling, and I don't think I'll get used to it. But I like it. And I want to keep it. Forever.

Insane in the Membrane

2010-01-06T21:45:00.002-06:00

Agh! Why does he do that? Why? Why is it that every time I do/say something he thinks is cute all he does is just grin at me instead of saying so? And then why does he say "oh nothing" when I ask him what he's grinning about? Is it so hard to just say how cute he thinks I am? Really? He's got to know I know what those dumb grins mean. But even if I do, he could tell me. It's not like I'd reject him. He's got to know I like him as much as he likes me. If he read this blog, he'd know. I'm like thisclose to giving him he addy JUST to erase all doubt. Agh! Just agh!

Purging Can Cause Dehydration

2010-01-04T02:08:00.001-06:00

Have I ever mentioned how sweet he is? Have I ever mentioned how deep and thoughtful he is? Have I ever mentioned how I thank goddess I found him? Have I? Well...have I? Cause he is, all of that. And I do, almost everyday. I've never used the app since that day, but I haven't deleted it. Seeing it makes me smile. Yes, an app makes me giddy. This isn't the craziest thought I've had. I can't say what beat it out, but there has been plenty that has. Comes with the territory I suppose.

I'm taking a break from writing my book at the moment, so, what do I do? Write some more. Haha. Of course, this doesn't take much thought. I just type as I think it. Not much editing goes into it. I don't have to include previous entries in the new entries. It's so easy a monkey could do it.

A monkey. Not a caveman. Hear that Geico? Monkey would have been a better choice. Monkeys don't often see your commercials. Not a lot of monkeys can read. But a caveman? A caveman still has electricity in his cave. A caveman can read. Duuuuuh! I wish I had sat in on that meeting.

But I digress... And I have to pee...haha

Trashy, Trampy, Slutty, Slutty

2010-01-02T02:11:00.004-06:00

Hi, my name is Susan, I am 26 years old, and I have found my inner slutty girl. Yep.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

2010-01-01T00:25:00.001-06:00

So the year just started and I'm outside feezing. I can hear the fireworks, but alas, I cannot see them. Josh had to work tonight, but we've been emailing each other because I can't send or receive texts or phonecalls. But that's a whole new story.

I have to get the kids at 1 this afternoon, and I really don't want to. I have a tire that's all fucked up. And it's not even the one I thought would be. So I'm probably going to end up having to find some way to pay for two new tires.

I hit a rock going like 50 not too long ago. I thought I was going to miss it, but I didn't. Surprise, surprise! Anyway, I was a pretty big rock, and I heard a loud bam. And then, the tire pressure light came on. And I was so pissed and go, "ya think?" Yes, I yelled at my dash. I'm partially insane, we know this. But, my goddess, how much bad news can a person take. I had just found out that I definitely wasn't going to become a regular associate at Macy's, Josh's brother had just died, I couldn't figure out how I was going to take that court-ordered parenting class, and I was trying to keep Kyle from putting two and two together about the living situation. So, yeah, the rock sent me a little closer to the edge than it probably would have normally. And the tire that's having issue isn't even near the one I hit. It's the total opposite tire! So, I'm going to have to find a way to pay for two new tires I'm sure by the time all of this is over. Plus I need an oil change, plus I need my tires rotated. Thank goddess I don't need an alignment. I still need all this body work done too. My poor Moody Blue is almost two and already needs a makeover!

And down comes the rain! Ack!

But I am so totally waiting up to wish Josh a Happy New Year whether he likes it or not!

Broken Toilets: A Stream of Consciousness Event

2009-12-31T00:01:00.000-06:00

I'm mad at Kyle, very mad at Kyle. He's ruining everything, again. Because of him, I can't move on. Because of him, Josh is holding back. Because of him, I can't even go the 3,000 miles to meet the light of my life. Because of his selfishness, he moved back in. Because he moved back in, our old divorce became null and void. If I hadn't of been for my rash actions, we'd just now be starting the countdown to a year apart. If it weren't for his lies, I'd be free. Free to live. Free to love. Free to move on. So, yes, I'll admit it. I'm mad at Kyle. This whole mess is his. And I'm the one cleaning it up. I'm the one coming behind him, once again, with the mop and the broom and making everything OK. Or at least trying to. I'm doing my best, and of course, my best isn't up to his standards. But does he help me get them to his standards? NO! He'd rather be a no-good pain-in-the-ass, as usual. And he gets rewarded. Life hands him golden ticket after golden ticket. He has the house. He has a fiancé. He doesn't have to struggle. Everything is handed to him on a silver platter. EVERYTHING! And I keep telling myself how I'll get my chance one day and how one day karma will get him. And I have to believe it because if I don't I'd probably sob for hours upon hours everyday. But seriously, I'm waiting, life. I'm here. With my arms wide open. And I'm waiting for anyhing you have to offer me, good or bad. But I'd prefer good because after awhile all the bad is going to start to smell like shit. And nobody likes that smell because that's the kind of stink that don't come out. And I'd really like to forget some of this. I'd like to put it behind me and never look back. Because looking back causes accidents. And we all know that accidents are bad and can kill people. And we all know that killing people is never a good thing because people like it when they continue to live. Breathing. Living. They are two different but two very good things. And that's why people like them. Yep. And that's the truth. The solid gold forever truth.

She Shoots, She Scores

2009-12-30T00:01:00.001-06:00

I should probably start posting these on the day I write them. I just had to change "today" to "yesterday" like three times in the last entry. Sheesh!

So, the book is coming along better than hoped. I don't have quite as many wods written as I had hoped, but the ideas for scenes keep coming. I think I just wrote my ending scene last night, though. I'm going to have to write a lot of hickey scenes soon, so, the research really needs to begin. I also need to figure out what city to set it in. I know I has to be up North because we don't have hockey teams down here, and it should be a city that has a ice skating rink/ hockey arena and at least three hospitals, so, it needs to be a big city. I could make something up, I guess. If you have city name ideas, let me know. Oh! And I need to name the team and a rival team. I'll let you know when I figure out these details.

I went to visit the NaNoWriMo website last night and I realized that I don't have Internet on my computer yet. Oops! I've been having a lot of those blond moments here lately. I MUST be falling in love. They happen more frequently if I'm falling. Although, I'm pretty sure I already fell, but whatever. I just wish I knew what he's thinking. He's kinda hard to read lately. Must be the whole mourning thing. I've never really experienced it from this angle before. It's a whole new ballgame when it's a boyfriend.

Kyle never lost anyone while we were together, not really. Angel (his dog) didn't die until after we were separated, I think. And besides, a brother and and a dog are NOT the same. No matter how much you humanize it. A dog is a dog. And yes, that is gonnna sound mean. And yes, I get the whole "part of the family" bit, but you just can't get that close to a dog. A dog can't tell you stories. You can't take a dog out to a movie. You see where I'm going here. A pet is a pet, and that is all. Yes, you can love them, but they just don't love you back as a brother or sister would. -jumps off soapbox- Sorry. Got caught up.

I just want it to be Friday. That is when the munchkins return. I just wish I could remember if I'm supposed to get then or if he's dropping them off. I should probably ask. I swear, though, if he acts like I'm an idiot for asking I'm not going to be too pleasant. I have a lot on my mind, and while I love my kids, knowing who is picking up/dropping off is not a priority. That's just the way it is. End of story.

The Incredible Edible Egg

2009-12-29T00:58:00.002-06:00

Got about 900 words written yesterday. I'm shooting for about 50,000. I think that's how many you're supposed to do with NaNoWriMo. I forget.

I'm kinda bored.

Josh was texting me when he went to see Sherlock Holmes today. It was awesome. Of course it was just before he went. And then he helped me with some grammar and spelling issues I was having while writing. Turns out he got the card today. That makes me very happy. I thought it was taking an awful long time to get there. I thought maybe it wasn't going to before 2009 ended. Lol. Sheesh!

I had a weird sex dream that had me questioning things. But enough about that because nobody really cares. Besides, Tiana basically banned me from exploring the option or bringing it up any further. Yeah. That isn't going to make sense, but this is for me. It'll remind me to just say no. Shut-up.

I decided Sunday to spend the cards for the girls and then wrap the gifts and write who they were from on them. So, I got Camy a replica of Sam's remote from iCarly and some Hello Kitty dolls and I got Jayde a 24" girraffe and a coffee maker playset. Then they each got a recyclable tote bag. Anyway, I wrapped all that yesterday. It was interesting. I'm very badly out of practice when it comes to wrapping.

What else? Blogging everyday is hard and leaves me with nothing to say. Har.

I didn't bring up the NYE thing to Josh. I don't know how. I also don't know how to tell him I miss his voice, so any help would be awesome.

I think I'm done for today.

And the Work Begins

2009-12-28T00:01:00.004-06:00

I made a list of characters for the movie. This is just a rough list. Notice that "Ashley Amut" has Wil Wheaton next to it, but none of the other characters have an actor/actress name next to them? That is because Kevin already picked him as the lead. I'm contemplating renaming him "Wesley Crusher". Haha. But I wanted use last names of people I know as a little "shout-out" to my peeps. Need to add some so I can use some more. Or change "Kenny" to a girlfriend. I dunno. Also, yes, all the straight males have "female" names and the girls all have "male" names. It's on purpose.

Hit Somebody- Characters:

Main-

1. Ashley Amut- Hockey player- Wil Wheaton (boy)
2. Kendell "Kenny" Amut- Hockey player's wife- (girl)
3. Taylor Kalau- Hockey player's bff-(boy)
4. Finley "Finn" Bies- Hockey player's bff's girlfriend-(girl)
5. Dayle Lister- Hockey player's wife's bff-(girl)
6. Gustav Humke Hockey player's teammate #1-(boy-gay)
7. Blair Johnson- Hockey player's teammate #2-(boy)
8. Courtney Baker- Hockey player's arch enemy-(boy)
9. Brennan Weber- Hockey player's arch enemy's girlfriend-(girl)
10. Lesley Ayers- Hockey player's arch enemy's bff-(boy)

Actually, I should probably listen to the song. Har. And now, I'm thinking I'm gonna write a book instead. I don't know nothing about writing a script. Lol.

You Wanna Learn Spanish? Take the Bus!

2009-12-27T00:01:00.002-06:00

So, I figured out new way to blog. Write the entries on the notepad and then copy/paste them to blogger. No way am I going to text them any more. It's a pain to fix that shit if I go over so many characters. And I'm going to blog everyday until the end of 2009.

I'm feeling better today. Josh seems better, too.

Went to the post office today, and the machine that lets you buy stamps with coins/cash is gone. I just wanted to mail a card and my resume'. Eighty- eight cents! No need to use a debit card. Fwah! Thank goddess there was someone there who could help. I gave him the money and he put the stamps on the envelopes. So nice! But seriously, who does away with the stamp machine? Argh!

I was feeling/looking so pretty today. I love days like that! I got some new shampoo and conditioner and it makes my hair feel/look ah-maazing.

What else? I didn't start writing my script, yet. I'll probably have a character list to share tomorrow, though. I want to begin work on it as soon as possible.

Sadness And Confusion And Weirdness. Oh My!

2009-12-26T01:38:00.026-06:00

So, ok. I've been kinda feeling off. Josh's brother died on the 16th, and since then we've both been a little off. He was coming out of it a little, but then the funeral was the 23rd. So, we're both back to feeling off. I'm so glad Christmas is over, though. Maybe we can both come out of by New Year's Eve.

I really wish I could have spent today with him. And I really wish I could spend next weekend wih him. -sigh- This relationship keeps getting more and more complicated. Maybe he will call me around midnight on NYE and we can "spend" midnight together. Of course, that's assuming he's off of work. I hate his schedule. The end.

I'm going to pick up my second to last check tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't have to give the whole thing to my mom. She paid for the last of santa's gifts. I still have to get hair dye, an lbd, and my gifts to the girls. I'm going to get them each a stuffed toy, panda for Cam and giraffe for Jayde. Or maybe Camy would like an elephant instead. Idunno. I think I'll ask. Lol.

The girls each got $30 Toys 'R' Us cards from the Eskews. That was extremely nice of them, since they aren't doing all that much better than we are. I haven't decided if I'm just gonna pick up their gifts or let them. Either way, it's gonna take forever. Har. I also have like $13 from last christmas for Camy. I'm thinking I'll do that and get something for the dollhouse. Yep. Yep.

I've decided that I'm gonna write a script and send it to Kevin Smith. Yep. Lol. He hasn't written his new movie, yet. I know shit about hockey, but I can research. Haha. Someone should probably let Mr. Smith know that a crazy girl from Lousiana will be penning HIT SOMEBODY for him.

Yes, I am in a weird ass mood. So, there.

Boy Crazy

2009-12-13T01:17:00.002-06:00

And now there is Marty aka Mr. Tiger Woods. Not because he's a cheater, but because of his looks. His smile mostly. He isn't half Asian though. And guess who he was for Halloween ( I didn't know this before I gave him that nickname)? Tiger freaking Woods! And I just got the strangest feeling of Deja vu.

Vulnerability and Boys

2009-12-07T00:38:00.003-06:00

I hate that overwhelmed feeling I sometimes get while working. The last two days I almost started crying at work. Thank goddess for Shaun. He got me through it quite nicely. But did I tell Josh about Shaun? Sorta kinda. I told him I made a fwiend at work, and when he asked for details, I changed the subject. Is that wrong? I'm thinking it's not. But I'm also wondering why I don't want him to know. Interesting. To be continued...

Beep! Beep! Beep!

2009-11-29T21:42:00.003-06:00

ATTENTION EVERYONE! I have an IMPORTANT announcement to make.

Happy Birthday to me! That is all

Everything Is NOT What It Seems

2009-11-25T09:29:00.002-06:00

I don't know how many of you don't know, yet, but I got a job. I will start on Black Friday. Yes, this is crazy, but it's when they need me. Whenever I go on Monday, that is when training will begin. Where? Oh right. At Macy's. Yes, I will working for the big red star. I am in recovery. Well, until the 6th. On the 6th, I will become a Men's Department Associate. At least that's how I understood it. Now, I may have heard it wrong. It may just be Friday and Saturday that I'm working recovery. Either way, it's a paycheck. But I have a month to prove myself so that I can stay on and become a regular employee. It shouldn't be too too hard because they all liked me a lot it seemed. I had ALL the right answers the other day. For once, I was cool and confident instead of cockyish. I had to sell myself, and I finally figured out how. At any rate, I have something more for my resume. Oh. Hours. 6-close, which will be 6-midnight soon enough. I am working a day shift Friday and Saturday, however. THAT could be interesting.

Surprise, Surprise

2009-11-23T22:18:00.002-06:00

Got a job today. That is all. Details tomorrow. Headache right now.

Well, Isn't THIS Interesting?

2009-11-23T10:52:00.002-06:00

What is it about him calling me "suze" that instantly melts me? Anytime he says it I'm just left in a puddle going, "whatever you want, dear." And I'm pretty sure he knows this because he does it quite often. We were fake fighting about snuggies the other day and he says something that ended with "suze" and I was like "ok, you win". It's that simple. But it's only him. Anybody else calls me that and they get "the look". Lol. Nobody had called me that in years until he did. They all knew better. It's the same with "Susie", which, thankfully he hasn't done yet. Not sure how I'll react. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably melt then, too. I ain't wrapped around his pinky or anything...

525,600 Minutes

2009-11-18T02:50:00.002-06:00

Reason# 375825 Why Josh Rocks:

Josh: Whatcha doing?
Me: Enjoying a pain free minute.
Josh: Good good
Me: nvm. That just ended
Josh: Poopy
Me: -whimpers- make it stop!
Aleve hasn't kicked in yet.
Josh: Wish I could :/
Me: I can't even sleep
I am not amused
Josh: I'm sorry suze
Me: Who would have thought that the console from a 2008 dodge avenger could be so dangerous?
Josh: Be careful
Me: Yeah ish too late for that advice

Dancing in the Moonlight

2009-11-12T22:14:00.002-06:00

"I could really grow to like you. It's a shame you're way over there, since I sure as hell am not moving anywhere, and you're in the situation you're in". -swoon- That is all.

We're Just a Couple of Misfits

2009-11-11T08:37:00.002-06:00

Enamored. Twitterpated. Lovestruck. Infatuated. Smitten. No matter how you spin it, I am becoming more and more head over heels everyday. The more we talk to more I want to talk. My head spins after every phonecall. I smile during every texting session. I grin like a schoolgirl at the thought of him. And I'd like to keep him forever because it's not often you find somebody willing to do anything for you. Somebody who calls you "doll". Somebody who wants to rescue you just as much as you want rescuing. He can't give me the world. And I wouldn't want him to. I want to be his world. And have him be mine and just be happy being "poor". This is what "ever after" is made of. I haven't ever felt like this before. And it is ah-maazing!

The Man in the Moon

2009-11-05T12:33:00.002-06:00

Texting. It all began with texting. And it quickly moved into emails and picture sharing. And now it's moved into phonecalls and panic attacks. I wasn't expecting phonecalls. Not yet. He took it there. On his way to work yesterday. -sigh- WITHOUT prompting. Don't mind me if I dance all night.

Joshy Woshy Has No Hair

2009-11-03T18:07:00.002-06:00

Staying up until 3:30 am and talking all day is not something you do with "just" friends. Just sayin'. And I am really happy.

Woke up this morning thinking it was Monday. Was shocked to find out that, no, it is Tuesday. Oops!

I Like To Talk To Myself

2009-10-28T11:36:00.002-05:00

Dear Self,

This divorce is not your fault. The problem is him, not you. HE has control issues. HE couldn't handle who you were becoming. HE has issues. You did NOT make this relationship crumble. But now you know better, and you HAVE to rise above him. Keep ya head up!

Yours Completely,
Susan

Breathing Is a Good Thing

2009-10-26T09:49:00.002-05:00

Reminder to self: Do not jump in with your whole heart, yet. It could be dangerous to your health, your mental health. That is all.

It's a Love/Hate Relationship

2009-10-22T11:59:00.002-05:00

I hate how I seem to be becoming more attached to him by the minute. And I hate how he acts like he can take me or leave me one minute and the next he's texting me to ask how my day was or how I slept last night. I love how honest and candid he is with me. And I love how comfortable I am around him to just be myself. I hate how hurt he's been in the past and how it's affected him more than he'll admit. I hate how damaged he thinks he is. I love that he's the tidy one of the house. And I love how he takes time out to go camping for five days at a time. I hate how he's got such a hold on me that I stay up nights to talk to him. And I hate how I'm just spilling all of this out. But most of all, I hate the distance and I know, for a fact, that he does, too. And it hurts. So bad.

Joshy Woshy Was a Bear

2009-10-19T15:17:00.004-05:00

So, I'm not pleased with the weather change at all. That's quite obvious. I've carried my trusty BRLS sweatshirt around with me for four days straight. I had my heater on full blast any time I've gone anywhere. I even slept on the couch because it holds heat. I don't remember having this much trouble adjusting last year. Although, I am like 30 lbs lighter. Not sure how much that has to do with anything. The only thing that is the same is the flip flops, lol.

Anyway, so, I don't really want to say anything because I'm superstitious, but there is a new guy again. His name is Josh, he's 31, and he's 6'2". He doesnt smoke or drink. He isn't into drugs or anything. He's gainfully employed, has his own ride, and has his own apartment. He's completely sweet and pretty adorable, if I do say so myself. But there is a problem! He lives approximately 2420.7 miles away. I never fall for anybody who's available, EVER. I'm about to give up! Lol.

Stretchy Pants Not Included

2009-10-11T23:50:00.002-05:00

So, I got an iPhone the other day. And you'd think I could freaking write entries on the site using it instead of texting the entries, but nope. The site won't let me write them in the space. Yeah, nevermind, just know that it's ducked up.

The other day, I had a feeling something good was gonna happen. Instead of just feeling it and letting it happen, I said something. Big mistake! Somebody hit my car, really smashung the side and then took of like nothing happened. And the worst part? Nobody but the driver saw it happen or at least thy all acted like they saw nothing. My g-ma actually was using the car when it happened. There are pictures on my Facebook. I haven't been so pissed as I was when I saw it. My perfectly blue car now has yellow and orange ugly ass paint on it. See if I share my good feelings again! It just proves that I am right to hate people. Even if they didn't write down their insurance information (which I doubt they had), a little note to say sorry would have been nice. Of course, that's probably expecting too much. -eyeroll- And people ask me why I'm sarcastic and cynical. Because when I'm not THIS happens. -growls-

Temporary Fixes

2009-10-06T23:12:00.002-05:00

So, I dropped my phone into the girls' bath tonight. I guess I didn't think it was clean enough. Har. But now I can't access the 'net through my phone's wifi, which sucks ass. So, now I have absolutely NO way to access the 'net AT ALL when I'm "home". Argh!

Speaking of which, nose = itchy again. But I don't know when it'll happen because our schedules are so opposite. But I bet we both leave at the same time tomorrow morning. Hope he doesn't think I'm stalking him if he's ahead of me. Talk about embarrassing! Lost? Ignore this paragraph.

And I Feel Like I Just Got Home

2009-10-04T16:12:00.002-05:00

I r bored. 48 hours without the girls is too many. The good part is that I have less than 16 hours to go. This is as torturous as working a double at the Lake with a certain tech with the personality of a stick and her cronies.
My nose itches pretty badly again. I don't know what's going on with that, but it is driving me bizonkers!
And my face be breaking out pretty badly again also. These next 23 days need to hurry the hell up because I'm not sure how much of this stupidity my body can handle. My brain is boind to blow a gasket by then. -sigh-

How I Wish For December 1963

2009-10-02T22:35:00.017-05:00

So, yesterday left me pretty drained, emotionally. It all started with a phonecall from his lawyer, a phonecall that I SHOULD have seen coming.

A bit o f the backstory: Monday I got served, that night I took myself and the girls to myself to my mom's to stay. This meant that by the time the phonecall came, he hadn't seen them in a couple of days. Why did I take them away? I found out, for sure, that he had bugged the house, which is illegal even if it's his house. I don't want nor do I need to be recorded. I was done.

Anyway, this particular phonecall was to inform me that we were going to meet with a judge in an ex parte custody hearing. That's right, folks. He tried to pull a fast one. He stated in his petition that I had taken the kids and moved into my mom's house, putting them in danger. Also, he said that I was emotionally and mentally unstable, that I was abusing the kids mentally as well as physically, that I need medication for my bipolar disorder, that I have attempted suicide, that I have confided in him that I wanted to hurt myself and others, and the list goes on. Basically, he was trying to say that I'm as dangerous as a cracked out mother. Yeah. Usually, an ex parte is used when the mother is a crackhead or an alcoholic. Not when she's a stressed out mess.

So, at about three, I get on the stand and testify for about 45 before the judge looks at his lawyer (mine went first) and says that she can't see why there is an emergency and calls the lawyers out of the courtroom. They all discuss it for a bit and come back with the situation we're in, which will last exactly 25 more days.

So, now, I guess I am in my very own "Jon and Kate situation" and my KIDS have exclusive rights to the house. Rifuckingdiculous!

Oh What a Night!

2009-10-01T22:08:00.003-05:00

Pardon me if I promised something I can't deliver. "Kyle is an idiot" story will be posted tomorrow. Promise. Totally forgot that I have traffic court tomorrow at nine. I r tired because testifying for 45 minutes is tiring. Ugh!

Randomosity Can Kill You

2009-09-27T20:27:00.002-05:00

My nose is very itchy and has been pretty much since I got home. Why doesn't he just ask me out?

It's the Climb

2009-09-26T22:03:00.003-05:00

I am very, very anxious, very, very scared, very, very confused, and very, very a lot of things right now. Do. Not. Like. And I think I need somebody to hold my hand and help me through this and tell me exactly what to do and how to do it and not find fault with me and just be patient. Because I feel like, while I am pulling out of the depression, Kyle is trying to push me back in. Not fun. And no offense to my multiple long-distance friends, but I need a closer friend for this task.

Fortunately enough, I ran into Pastor Schmeiding's wife today at the library (who happens to be an old volleyball coach of mine), and she's gonna talk to him,and, of course, get a whole new church praying for the situation too. So, maybe, if a thousand more voices are praying for me, the answer will be revealed. We will see.

The Luck of the Irish

2009-09-24T08:32:00.002-05:00

For the last two months, ok, let's be honest, the last three months, I haven't been taking care of myself. I have been walking, yes, but as far as everything else is concerned, not so much. Now, we don't need to go into details, but it's been bad. Like, homeless person bad. But yesterday, I finished reading a book, and it hit me, it's time to. So, today's officially the first day of being good to myself. And getting back to maintaining this thing. I will be writing, albeit from my phone, at least once a week. Even if it's just a sentence, my thoughts will be put here. That's my new commitment to you and myself. And maybe by my birhday this year things will turn around. I guess I have to make my own luck!

100 Blogs Later

2009-06-04T12:50:00.003-05:00

I first started this blog on December 15, 2008. It was a continuation of my previous, failed blog, When the Dog Bites, When the Bee Stings. I started a new one because I wanted a fresh look. I wanted to leave all the heartache behind. So, my adventures got a new beginning and Me. Completely. was born. It has since then been tranformed into the blog we all know and love, Random Kills.

But where does the name Random Kills come from? Well, one day when I was blogging I thought to myself, "Gosh, my life is random." And here, for your pleasure, is an except from that very blog:
" I've about had it with random. Something effin' better be wrong with me or I'm never seeing another doctor again. I can just outright die. I don't care. Because they WON'T be able to find a cause. RANDOM IS GOING TO KILL ME!"- May I Have Your Attention Please!, February 10, 2009

But Susan, what are your favorite memories from this blog? Good question. And I intend to answer that for you now.

My 100 Favorite Memories:

1. "The court date is set for January 6th AKA Epiphany for those of you playing along. I got served on the 10th of the month, giving me 15 days to answer. 15 days from the 10th? Anyone? Anyone? CHRISTMAS! Yes. Christmas. And Epiphany is how many days from Christmas? TWELVE! Epiphany's sometimes called Twelfth Night. It's when the wise men blew into Jesus' life...finally. So...what is it with this guy and the holidays?"

Why this made the list: It makes me laugh. Why? Because 1. it has a Ferris Bueller reference that almost nobody will catch and 2. how non-chalantly I talk about the wise men.

2. "Let me see...I found out the name of the hottie across the street. Philip. He's a freaking engineer! I loves me some engineers! I just like saying "engineer". Say it. It's fun!"

Why this made the list: ENGINEER! Nuff said.

3. "Mai fun is my new fave. I really prefer the Singapore, but I don't eat meat any more so I got the veggie kind. It was kinda lacking in veggies though. And the steamed veggies came with tofu. WTF, dude? I did NOT order tofu!"

Why this made the list: I think this is the first time I use "WTF?" in a blog.

4. "Still didn't get my ribbon up. Lost the bow. Har. I'm amazing. I know. My ability to lose things is like no other I have ever known. I set things down and lose them in seconds. I amaze millions (well, maybe not that many) with my abilities to INSTANTLY lose stuff. I should go into showbiz. Really."

Why this made the list: It just did. OK?

5. "Jackie + Hyde is so much better than Jackie + Kelso."

Why this made the list: "Obsessive much? They're characters on a T.V. show"- my exact thought after writing this

6. "Velveeta is a superior cheese tyvm."

Why this made the list: Because it's true. The end.

7. "Yeah. I'm pretty random lately. I know you had to notice. Not that I've blogged enough for you to notice. But I expect you to notice anyway. Ha."

Why this made the list: It mentions that at least I am noticing how random I am.

8. "Our neighbor caught the shrimp in June. Six months is still fresh, right?"

Why this made the list: I still have no idea

9. "I had started the tradition of waiting until Twelfth night and saying it was the Three Wisemen, but because I don't homeschool, I really can't expect them to not know about Santa. So, I was defeated by the power of conforming."

Why this made the list: CONFORM OR ELSE!

10. "Anyway, the kids had a mish mash inside picnic for lunch. I gave them Velveeta chunks, raisins, chicken nuggets, french fries, cheese taquitos, Capri Sun, RitzBits peanut butter sandwiches, apple dippers, caramel sauce, and graham crackers. I think that was it. We had a small amount of everything so it isn't like they got a whole lot. Like the french fries, for instance. They had like 20 between the three of them. They each had one taquito. Small portions, so it sounds like a lot."

Why this made the list: Because I am creative, and you aren't!

11. "But they did include a certain of age Jonas Brother....Shut-up, he's adorable!"

Why this made the list: He's still adorable. I don't care.

12. This entire entry: The Holidays Are Almost Over

Why this made the list: It includes its own list. Go read it. It's awesome.

13. "Went through like a bajillion boxes of clothes today. Found an entire winter wardrobe for Jayde. SCORE! Don't have to go shopping for her now. Any way I can save money is a plus. Also, my grandma found my AT&T rebate card. I have $33 left on it. SCORE AGAIN! Now, I just have to get up off of my butt and mail Christmas cards. Haha. And a box for Jess. And some clothes to Brandie. And some clothes to Meagan. And. And. There goes my whole $33. Which reminds me, I need to finish and send off CK's notebook. FUCK! I need more time in a day! Or I just need to not procrastinate as much. Yes. That sounds right. "

Why this made the list: It's amazing how easy it is to please me.

14. "We're having chilli for dinner tonight. Chilli is love. We've got cheese and corn chips and oyster crackers to go with it. YAY!"

Why this made the list: See? Easy to please.

15. "Of this I am sure."

Why this made the list: Boy Meets World reference I am sure nobody will get.

16. This whole entry: Inspiration Time

Why this made the list: Because it rocks! It includes questions and answers. And it was one of the "funnest" things I have done this year.

17. "It's almost like DisneyWorld. They have a huge display with taxadermied animals. They even have a POLAR BEAR! It was caught in Alaska in 1970. That was my favorite."

Why this made the list: Polar bears are hot!

18. "I found a tent with CUPHOLDERS! "

Why this made the list: Cupholders! In a tent! I feel like more people should be concerned about this.

19. "I figured out that I can French braid."

Why this made a list: I impress me sometimes.

20. "Jayde helped me push an empty cart around Wal-Mart. We had a system, and I only ran into a pole once due to looking at her. We were chanting. "Big step, big step, big step. Turn, turn, turn turn turn. Big step, big step, big step. Stop." I had her taking as big a step as she could. Then when my back starting to hurt, I told her I couldn't make it. And she goes, "Whew, I tired." So we collapsed on the floor. Yeah, we got some stares, but I didn't really mind. Nobody in our party minded."

Why this made the list: Jayde is cute.

21. "Camy was walking by my mom who had a scooter. She loves helping her gran. She felt like such a big girl. Just about the only thing she didn't grab for my mom were the cokes. I got those. She didn't want them to land on her face. She ran off when I reached for it and goes, "Not my face, not my face!" What a card!"

Why this made the list: Camy is cute too.

22. "I am so anxious/nervous for the 6th, I wish it had already happened. I will sleep so much better with all of that figured out/ handled. I will lose so much stress once I know my girls are taken care of. I seriously would not be able to live with myself if I had just rolled over though. I am not a dog. I do not take orders so easily. I do not roll over on command. "

Why this made the list: Let me repeat: I am not a dog. I love that line.

23. "They are in love with Po. Don't blame them, though. Pandas are fucking hot. Well, Po is hot. Real pandas are just adorable. Don't think I'm into beastiality or anything. No. I wouldn't do that. EW! NASTY! Perish the thought. You nasty!"

Why this made the list: Kung-Fu Panda reference + That's So Raven reference = hawt

24. "Got up before 7 two mornings in a row. DOES. NOT. WANT."

Why this made the list: I am not a morning person.

25. "On a different note, I need a cure-all for dandruff. Mine is bad. "Mommy, it's snowing from your head." Yeah. I know."

Why this made the list: I am not kidding. Camryn actually said that to me. But I doesn't has no more.

26. "She's dressed as a ladybug right now. She's ladybug crazy! Which is a good thing, since she collects them. She tells me she is a Ladybug Princess all the time."

Why this made the list: Jayde is freaking cute!

27. "I'll just keep chanting "Go to school!" to myself. Pump myself up. Keep those bad thoughts out and not psych myself out. Just say no to self-sabotage!"

Why this made the list: Because it worked. I am now in the process of getting all of my school papers in order.

28. This entry: A Funny List

Why this made the list: LOLCats!

29. "I pretty much owe the progress I have made to Desi. I LURVE my Cajun Queen!"

Why this made the list: Desi is good for the soul.

30. "Kyle came by to fix something. Fine. But as he was leaving he says he wants to kiss the girls goodbye. WTF? He didn't even kiss them hello. I told him no. He just stared at me. I told him that he didn't need to kiss them goodbye when he didn't even kiss them hello (they were in the backyard playing). He just gave me this defeated look and went away. I WIN! I can't even believe I had the courage to do that!"

Why this made the list: First recorded victory over Kyle

31. "Right now I need to get my mind straight. Then I can think about others. This is solely selfish. I am aware, but if I don't take care of me, who will? I just need to take care of Susan right now. I need to get out of the habit of doing whatever I'm told."

Why this made the list: When I first realized I was a single human being and that I needed to take care of me.

32. "I just want to give a shout out to muh girls, Rach, Nik, and Desi. They are my guiding light. They are my soul. They are the very people that keep me sane. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but these girls...I cherish them very much. So, go visit their blogs. Rach Desi Nik And while you're at it, check out the forum site where we all met, BijouxMB. "

Why this made the list: This is when I realized that there are people in my corner that want me to succeed and will back me up in everything that aren't my family.

33. "Talked to my mom. Seems ok with the big move. Says that if I think I need it then it's okay. I r teh confuzed. Y her not say I only fink it what I r needing? Weird."

Why this made the list: This is when I realized that my mommy will love me no matter what. And it has LOLSpeak.

34. This entry: I Wish...

Why this made the list: It's when I realized how precious life is, and how close the end really is.

35. "Oh yes. I am random. Oh yes. And you love it."

Why this made the list: See blog title.

36. "What else? I need some rum. Where's Captain Jack when you need him? Off pillaging, I suppose. Ah Captain Jack. I'll love you. And I'll never leave you. Don't care if you're a dirty rotten pirate. You look hot in guyliner. Oh Jack. Take me! NOW! Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me! We'll have little pirate babies that'll be born with perfectly lined eyes. Oh yes. I secretly think you are part cat. >_< " Why this made the list: Pirate ramblings are always fun. 37. "might be going to LaLaLand? I dunno. It's definitely a start in the whole moving the heck outta here scheme. I think it's in the opposite direction, though. Might have to switch to the one in Covington? Eh. Whatever. I've always loved Lafayette. And ULL is there. -eyebrow raise x2- Jonathan anyone? Haha." Why this made the list: Jonathan. As in, the guy I met at DisneyWorld. Haha. 38. "I think I'm gonna have to pursue things outside the realm of pharmacy for now. It's not what I REALLY want." Why this made the list: This is when I finally realized that no, I don't want to be in a pharmacy for the rest of my life. 39. "A nautical star. A nautical star means "guidance". It is often used for sailors. And my grandfather (R. I. P.) was a sailor."

Why this made the list: It's when I figured out what I want my first tattoo to be.

40. "I just want everybody to go to bed and shut up."

Why this made the list: Not sure. It tickled my funny bone, though.

41. This entire entry: How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

Why this made the list: DOGGIES!

42. "I'm sick of bitches. SICK! We're all in hard times. ALL. OF. US. You are NOT alone. I know you feel like it, but you aren't. I. DON'T. HAVE. A. JOB! "

Why this made the list: Because I still feel the same, after all this time. And it was really only directed at one person, and they don't get it.

43. This is a two-fer.
"How the hell am I supposed to GET the experience if nobody will freaking hire me? HOW?"
"And I wonder if anybody knows how damn annoying it is to hear about all these people that are looking for pharmacy techs. Do they realize how stupid THAT makes me feel? "This company, this company, and this company are looking for techs. Why can't you find a job?" I DON'T KNOW! OK? I JUST DON'T KNOW! "

Why this made the list: Because it's when I finally expierenced that old Catch-22 everybody talks about post-college.

44. This entry: Not Da Baby!

Why this made the list: It's Jayde's 3rd Birthday entry. And look! Baby pictures of Jayde!

45. "I wanted to look at Stan's tattoos. If he's doing my phoenix tattoo, I have to check him out. He's gonna draw it up for me too. Because I say so."

Why this made the list: I haven't even gotten my first tattoo and I was thinking of my second one.

46. "I've driven her Durango around town, I just have to learn to Interstate with it. That could take a while. That thing is el huge! And you thought the Hummer was big. And it still might be, but these wheels are almost as tall as Jayde. And she's no shortie. She's 37", maybe 38" So, these wheels ain't small, by any means. The top of my Avenger, the TOP, comes up to her door, like the middle of her door. OK? And I almost fall out of the thing any time I get out. And getting in? Fahgetabouit! I has to climb in like a kid. She needs running boards like whoa. Oh yes. Durangos are scary creatures. I kid you not."

Why this made the list: It talks about me driving an SUV. Because I have been so gung-ho against them for so long. Haha.

47. "Jayde decided she was a cat today, so I made her strip naked. She cried. We talked and now she's decided that she is a little girl. I told her all of the things that cats can't do. You should have seen her face. "No cheese?!" I'm a mean mommy, I know, but it worked. No more cats. It all started because she was dumping coke onto the window seat and licking it up. Gross!"

Why this made the list: Because all this time and she hasn't ever gone back to wanting to be a cat.

48. "Living happens when you take care of yourself. "

Why this made the list: Guess.

49. This entry: It's Fun To Plan

Why this made the list: Because I love to plan

50. This entry: Just More Plans!

Why this made the list: Ditto!

51. This entry: Step Into the Boudoir

Why this made the list: Double ditto!

52. "Today Camy decided to paint my fingernails. She did pretty decent even though she did it her own way rather than the "right" way. Haha. She painted them like you would paint a picture. LOL So cute! How many five-year-olds can claim they painted mommy's nails? Not many."

Why this made the list: Pride.

53. "If your kid has bugs, whether tangible or not, don't send them to school. "

Why this made the list: Because of how frustrating it is when your kid gets infected because people send their kids to school JUST to get rid of them

54. "Thick green mucus is NOT your friend. It is EVIL! EVIL! "

Why this made the list: EVIL!

55. "Camy ended up tossing her cookies and spiking a 102 temp at about t minus 1 hour. And what did she throw up? Something I gave to her at about 9:15. Gross. It just sat on her tummy for freaking SEVEN hours! EW! "

Why this made the list: Vomit!

56. "Still don't see the point in celebrating the day the man got beheaded with symbols of love. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! "

Why this made the list: Because I still don't get it.

57. "So, I don't know how many of you noticed (my mom did), but I literally live in a hell house. Just look at my street number upside down, if you are privy to my address."

Why this made the list: Because 7734 rocks your socks off.

58. "And now, thanks to MJ, I AM thinking about moving to Bay St. Louis. I would like to move AWAY from the hurricanes, but closer to them could work too. I guess. LOL."

Why this made the list: Because MJ rocks!

59. This entry: Best. Song. Evar!

Why this made the list: Because I need to remember to take this attitude. And this song rocks!

60. "I am actually crying and wanting to end this relationship before it gets started because he wants to take it slow and actually understands. I don't get me sometimes. "

Why this made the list: It's the day before I started dating Jessie.

61. This entry: What Susan Needs

Why this made the list: Because it's amusing.

62. This entry too: Proof Of My Rock Moves

Why this made the list: Because I'm kind of proud of it.

63. "Kyle called me this morning...uh...yesterday morning now, and said he would distribute my resume' to anybody he could. "

Why this made the list: It's one of the biggest mistakes I have made this year.

64. "I am geography fail."

Why this made the list: It's true. I failed almost any test in which I had to identify anything on a map.

65. "So, um, things happen so quickly around here it's pretty funny. Date = back on. LMAO. He'll be here in about 12 hours!"

Why this made the list: It marks the first time I saw Jessie in person in seven years.

66. "I'm way past weirded out when it comes to seeing him again."

Why this made the list: It shows how shy I can be even if I know somebody.

67. "I really just want Jessie to come tonight."

Why this made the list: It shows just how much I just wanted to get laid.

68. "Yesterday was pretty fun. I don't think it was as fun for Jessie. ROFLMAO So not going there. He would kill me! And I know he reads this, so, so not taking the chance. I mean, I love you, Jessie!"

Why this made the list: Because it's funny that after all that worrying over having sex with him on the first date, we didn't have any. And the fact that he wanted it sooooo bad, but I kept telling him we couldn't. I guess the secret's out now, huh?

69. This entry, or really the link enclosed: You Know It!

Why this made the list: My mommy's birthday!

70. This entry: Red Rebellion

Why this made the list: The Red Rebellion DVD shoot

71. "I think Jessie is more anxious about me getting my life together than I am. Although, I see his point. I love that we can be so honest with each. And I love that he totally called me out tonight on my certain habit."

Why this made the list: Because it shows how much Jessie cares/cared about me and my life. And that makes me happy even though it ended.

72. "Haven't talked to Jessie in a while. Kinda bummed about that. I really want to hear his voice. I keep thinking about the other Saturday and my heart keeps doing the butterfly thing. I miss him!"

Why this made the list: Because it's a couple of days before I drove all the way to McComb, alone. It's also two days before I saw Jessie in person for the last time.

73. "So, anyway, it looks like my only job for now is going to be school. I'mma talk it over with the mom this weekend and then see if I can start in the fall. The government/court considers school a job. So...maybe...I'm thinking fashion merchandising."

Why this made the list: When I finally realized that my only future was in going to school and also when I finally decided on a major.

74. "Jessie told me that we need to take this thing easy. Make it more casual. And that basically, I am not marriage material. Because I've already had kids and he feels like he's paying for my sins. And that he wants a clean slate."

Why this made the list: Not a good memory, but a memory nonetheless. This is when I realized that I would have to be careful about the boys I got involved with. Also when I realized that maybe Jessie wasn't right for me. BIGGEST. FEAR. REALIZED.

75. "Well, I guess I'm becoming less and less controlled by my computer and more and more controlled by my phone."

Why this made the list: This is when I realized I could blog by phone.

76. "But thanks to Tiana, I figured out what exactly what went wrong and why. "

Why this makes the list: I started to reconnect with Tiana again, and realized just how much she rocks (which I think I already knew).

77. "So, I don't think I can make it until my Canadian vacation in July. "

Why this makes the list: The day after I decided to visit Tiana and Curtis

78. "Children are the best teachers, though. Looking at the world through the eyes of one of my babies will show you so much! I can guarantee that. Now, I know why so may people love early childhood development."

Why this makes the list: The day I discovered the REAL reason to have children

79. "Went to the unemployment office today."

Why this made the list: It was a week after I just gave in and reached out for help with the job/money thing.

80. "Took the kids to the park. That was quite the adventure."

Why this made the list: Because the park adventure was strange and frustrating but also funny.

81. " I tell her to walk until she falls out. So she stops about three steps later and procedes to "fall" onto the ground."

Why this made the list: Because Jayde is a drama queen.

82. "Wes and his family were in town today. He's so grown up since entering the Marines. "

Why this made the list: Because time flies.

83. "The only thing Camy can hold down is Sprite. Can't even hold down the anti-nausea medication. How fun!"

Why this made the list: Because that ordeal pretty much made me able to handle puke.

84. "Made meatball soup tonight. "

Why this made the list: It's the first time I ever cooked without a recipe

85. "No unemployment benefits for me. Just leave it at that. But the reasoning behind it may keep also keep me from getting a job. "

Why this made the list: Because this is when I realized that working for the Lake did more damage than good.

86. " I have an ovarian cyst as well. An ovarian cyst that is mimicking a pregnancy. An ovarian cyst that is causing me and has been causing me a lot of pain. An ovarian cyst I want gone. Now."

Why this made the list: Because it's the first time I've ever had an ovarian cyst in my life.

87. "And we were talking to him and he's like, "There are like 500 people in here and not enough of us." "

Why this made the list: Because it's when I decided to start applying to retail jobs, part time.

88. "...when it occurs to me that I am really pretty. Yes, you heard that correctly (or read that, really). I actually think that I am pretty. And that, my friends, is a pretty awesome feeling. "

Why this made the list: Obvious reasons. And it makes me feel good.

89. " And honestly, it was the best gift ever, for me. Instead of spending my birthday adventure to DisneyWorld having fun, I got to spend it worried about money while trying to fake being happy. I almost missed out! Thank God P was there to give me that, though. I owe it all to him."

Why this made the list: Because it shows that I am still quite bitter about the way I was done at the Lake.

90. "He doesn't make the rules, and fortuneately enough for me, he doesn't bend them either. Thank God for people lilke him! "

Why this made the list: Satire rocks your socks. Even if it's not completely done right.

91. This entry: Damn Boys!

Why this made the list: Because it's when I really decided that I AM a survivor. I am stronger than that, but that it's also OK to cry once in a while.

92. This entry: Some Things You Do For Love, Love, Love

Why this made the entry: Because I believe in love, and feel like people make love harder than it has to be. No, Lady Gaga, if it's rough, it is NOT fun!

93. "To the dumb men who think I am looking for a new father for my children and financial support for myself: you are misataken."

Why this made the list: Because it's when I realized what it must look like for a single mom of two without a job to be looking for a boyfriend.

94. "I hope it's ok I happened upon your blog!" -Nik

Why this made the list: Because it is always ok if you happen upon my blog

95. "I don't think I could ever go without myspace. I'm quite addicted." -Vicki

Why this made the list: Because myspace, it will suck you in

96. "What is Sutan?"- Nik

Why this made the list: Because I just can't fathom why somebody WOULDN'T know who Sutan was. For those of you still confused, and also for my pleasure (because as gay as he is, I still think he's hot) THIS is Sutan: (picture to come) visit his site: www.sutanamrull.com

97. "I like the firearm check-in. You know you live in the south when you have one of those lol. "- Vicki

Why this made the list: Thank you! THANK. YOU!

98. "Get to work on the short chick clothing line. I'll gladly model. My short ass is sick of searching for clothes that don't fit."- Desi

Why this made the list: Because this is the comment that jump started my heart.

99. "Big change, but sometimes change is awesome! " -Desi

Why this made the list: Because it's supportive. And I expect nothing less of Desi.

100. "YAY for standing up for yourself. You are awesome! :) I am happy for you. " - Rachel

Why this made the list: Because my victories are felt by everyone.

BONUS MOMENTS:

Because it just wouldn't be my blog if I didn't have bonuses.

1. "Aww, Susan! I always find you in the perfect times it seems. Ah! I have "goosepimples" as one little girl called it today. *HUGS*I love you. For real. No jokes. NO mess. Except for the occasional typo and my horrible text-slang. Hehe.I think you are right, though. Now is the perfect time for you to be selfish, and heck, I kind of want you to be for once. :)" -Nik

2. "I hate how time pulls people apart and not together, unless they seem to work to stay together. It seems... almost opposite of what nature should do, doesn't it? Or hearts should do. Ugh, I'm babbling.I'll be your sister."- Nik

3. "I have some "redneck maffia" connections. lol. It's more or less some rednecks who are Marine reserves that will do anything for a 6 pack. Ah yes, the good ole boys. Drives big trucks. With a shotgun behind the seat. Prolly the kind of guy I'll end up marrying lol. Just say the time and place. I'll even help hide the body. And he'd be clear out in the gulf in 2 days. No one would ever suspect a thing. lol. If only it were that easy." - Vicki

4. "You just let me know when you get all of this done so I can move my ass in, lol."- M.J.

5. "I lurve you!"- M.J.

6. "Idk what to tell you about the rest, dude, it'll all come in due time."- M.J.

7. "That's what I love about a good boyfriend. Able to call you out and make you tell them the truth, because they're willing to do that for you."- M.J.

8. "One day we will be blind and miserable together, haha."- M.J.

I think I am sensing a pattern...

9. "it's baby steps, honey. you CAN be who you want to be, who you used to be. one small step at a time."- Tiana

10. "either way, you are STRONG, you are BEAUTIFUL and you are downright amazing. don't ever forget it."- Tiana

11. "I wasnt lying when i was trying to empower you, you have to get motivated in things.you have to be strong in life.YOU CAN NEVER STOP.Dont let your armor get down."- Jessie

12. "so how about I just tell you instead that I love you and think you're beautiful and give you a huge long distance hug?? *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*"- M.J.

13. "I had the same revelation earlier today. Although, mine was really just that I have a really pretty face. And it wasn't a post-shower picture - it was a picture of me at the bar. lolol" -Angela

14. "men just never understand."- Courtney

And now, ladies and gentlemen, that concludes this blog! Here's to 100 more entries!

Get It Together

2009-05-26T01:24:00.002-05:00

To the dumb men who think I am looking for a new father for my children and financial support for myself: you are misataken.

My girls HAVE a father. They don't need a father. You don't even have to like them or bond with them. I don't really care. As long as you don't hurt them in any way, I don't care what relationship you have with them. You don't even have to have any relationship with them. I'm not even sure if I want you to meet them.

Now, as for me, no, I really am NOT a gold-digger. As much as I joke about it, that's honestly not me. That's all that is, a joke. Money cannot buy happiness. It can try, but it will never succeed. You have to make your own happiness.

I don't need financial support. I require emotional support, somebody who can talk to me when I need encouragment, love me unconditionally, hold me when I need a shoulder to cry on, and who will listen when I need to just bitch. Someone who will catch me when I fall, or even, if possible, prevent me from falling altogether. Someone to back me up when a tough decision has to be made, but is not afraid to tell me when, in his heart, he knows I am wrong. A life partner, a friend, a comrad, but also somebody who I can take to bed with me because mommies need lovin' too.

Quenty-Schive

2009-05-25T18:36:00.003-05:00

And now, as promised, Susan will attempt to fill out 25 applications today.

1. Build-a-Bear
2. Champs Sports
3. Foot Locker
4. Lady Foot Locker
5. Kids Foot Locker
6. Foor Action
7. dELiAs
8. Express
9. the Gap
10. Lane Bryant
11. Catherine's
12. Sears
13. Ulta

Well, at least I tried. I got halfway, which is, I guess, okay. Some of the places required a resume, and I don't have one saved on this computer. I guess I should get on that, right?

Some Things You Do For Love, Love, Love

2009-05-25T15:55:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who believes in pure love any more. You know, the kind of love wher you don't hold back. It's the kind where you love somebody no matter what. It doesn't matter what is in that person's past. I'm talking about unconditonal love, the love that says "So what if she has two kids and I always imagined myself with someone who doesn't have any, I love her anyway." This is the kind of love that says "Who cares if she's too short or too fat or too tall or too thin or too old or too whatever?" What are you afraid of? Love shouldn't be this difficult, this confusing. Love should come easy. If you love it, take care of it. If it makeas you happy, spend your time with it. sure you only have one life to live, but that doesn't mean you should throw out the things you feel don't fit. They are in your life for a reason. Let them in! Hold on to them! Cherish them! Or are you willing to just say good-bye just because it isn't perfect? That sounds selfish to me. Just think about it, okay?

No, I InCYST!

2009-05-24T23:55:00.001-05:00

I am in so much pain from the stupid cyst. I wish it would just find its own way out. The pregnancy symptoms are completely unnecessary, thank you very much. But at least I know why my energy is lower than usual.

The girls come back from Jackson tomorrow. They went to see the Hannah Montana movie with Grandma Karen and Nanny Mary today. I can't wait to hear all about it. Camryn sounded so excited although it did rain almost the whole time. But it did here too.

I'm gonna apply to more retail jobs again tomorrow. Just the perfect way to spend Memorial Day! I just need to keep busy until Tuesday. Hopefully nobody will call until at least Wednesday. I wonder just how many I can fill out before I pass out. It is now my mission to do twenty-five tomorrow. I have lost count of how many applications I've done this year. Pathetic!

Yeah. I'm gonna go now, though. The Tylenol is calling out to me. So, be good.

Damn Boys!

2009-05-23T09:31:00.002-05:00

Why is it that after all the weirdness, all the heartache, all the pain, after all the stupid bullshit, I still want THAT BOY to pick me up off the ground, dust me off, push me back into the great wide world, and tell me to keep going? Why is it that the echoes of HIS WORDS are the only thing that comforts me? I keep hearing his words ringing in my ears, and its the only way I can push through most of the time "Don't give up, Susan. Never give up!" So, the more people push me down, the harder I push back. The more rejections I receive, the greater my determination becomes. This downslide cannot and will not last forever, and when it ends, I will be the last one standing, the sole survivor.

Although, sometimes, I do have to sit down, write in my journal, and cry great big tears of relief. Afterall, one can't have rainbows in the soul without a few drops of rain from the eyes. Right? Right.

Happy Birthday!

2009-05-23T09:29:00.002-05:00

It seems to me that we are right smack in the middle of what I like to call "Birthday season". It seems that everybody I know celebrates a birthday in Spring or Summer. Not me. I'm a Fall baby, which just so happens to be the worst time of the year for me. We often joke that while most people get presents for their birthday, I get other things, like fired, for instance (although it was 23 days early). And honestly, it was the best gift ever, for me. Instead of spending my birthday adventure to DisneyWorld having fun, I got to spend it worried about money while trying to fake being happy. I almost missed out! Thank God P was there to give me that, though. I owe it all to him. I don't know how I would have survived my vacation without him. Although, I can't be too mad at him, he was only the messenger. It's not his fault he let them use him as a pawn. He doesn't make the rules, and fortuneately enough for me, he doesn't bend them either. Thank God for people lilke him!

You Wish You Were Me!

2009-05-23T09:28:00.002-05:00

So, the other day (5/9/09), Nik (iloveyou) started a topic at BMB for posting post-shower pictures. Yeah, we're a weird bunch. We know. Anyway, I take the pictures, and I'm looking at them, thinking about which ones to use when it occurs to me that I am really pretty. Yes, you heard that correctly (or read that, really). I actually think that I am pretty. And that, my friends, is a pretty awesome feeling.

Duck Takes the Cake

2009-05-22T13:49:00.003-05:00

OMG! I HAZ SWINE FLEW!

Yeah. I'm quite stuffy and stuff. Nice and snotty. So fun.

I have an ovarian cyst as well. An ovarian cyst that is mimicking a pregnancy. An ovarian cyst that is causing me and has been causing me a lot of pain. An ovarian cyst I want gone. Now.

But on to other things. I am applying to some more jobs right now. I got the job at Vector, but it wasn't what I thought it was. I thought summer work would be like clerical work or something. It wasn't. It was selling Cutco knives, which are awesome knives and all, but it's basically a scam. And I think they accept everybody. Lol.

So, Wednesday, I went to Best Buy with the madre and, well, the entire family and it's a huge store. We were looking for a new washing machine because, in true Susan fashion, it decided now would be a good time to time for the agitator to die. And I'm guessing a new machine would be less expensive than having the old one fixed. At least that's the impression el madre gives me. And it's probably true. I'm thinking I heard it would cost like $1,000. People like to make you pay about that much for stuff. It's fun for them. Har.

Anyway, we're walking around and we've found the machine, and there's one freaking associate, who is already WITH a customer and it seems to be taking a long time. And my mother's getting impatient and the mamaw is getting impatient and the kids, the kids are getting a little bit wild. So, we see two associates walking by and I guess one of them was a manager or something because he sends the other one to find somebody once we asked if there was somebody who could help. And we were talking to him and he's like, "There are like 500 people in here and not enough of us." And I'm like "oh hey. if you need help im available. im smart, and a fast learning and very willing." or something like that. So, he tells me how to apply and he goes on to say that I can apply there but that it's pretty long and takes about 30-45 minutes to finish and if my kids are starting to get wired (he did not assume this, we told him this), that it might be a good idea to do it at home. So, that's what I am doing (well, when I finish this) now. And I guess I will apply to other places too. That could be a good idea. Har.

Anyway, here's a list of where I applied to today:
1. Best Buy
2. 5-7-9
3. Old Navy
4. Borders
5.Buckle

Warming Up

2009-05-16T15:45:00.002-05:00

Finally back on top of things. No unemployment benefits for me. Just leave it at that. But the reasoning behind it may keep also keep me from getting a job. I am not giving up, just stating the facts. Also, if all else fails, I have applied to BRCC. So there!

New applications sent to the following:
1. UPS-Port Allen- P/T Package Handler
2. Radio Shack- Baton Rouge- Sales Associate
3. PictureMe Portrait Studios- Denham Springs- Manager in Training
4. Vector Marketing Corp- Baton Rouge- Summer Work
5. Apple Staffing- Baton Rouge- Marketing Assistant
6. Dillard's- Baton Rouge- Sales Associate
7. Forever 21- Baton Rouge- Sales Associate
8. United Career Services- Baton Rouge- Medical Administrative Assistant
9. Confidential- Baton Rouge- Healthcare Receptionist

2009-04-24T18:14:00.001-05:00

LJ= VintageSock...not that I'm gonna use it...lol
Computer came today. So happy! Just thought I'd post a quickie. Everyone enjoys a quickie, right?

Just Dance

2009-04-24T00:14:00.006-05:00

So, both the kids are sick. The only thing Camy can hold down is Sprite. Can't even hold down the anti-nausea medication. How fun! So Jayde is sleeping with me tonight, Camy with the gma. Jayde was able to hold down half a cracker and the medication and I'm very bad at handling puke, so it made sense to do it that way.

I'm broke out pretty bad. Ugh! I went through this in high school. Why am I going through it again? I think I asked that in yday's entry too, but it's seriously irritating me.

Didn't make it to the park, obviously. Kids started with the puking as soon as Camy got home from school. Well, Camy did. Jayde started a little later.

Made meatball soup tonight. Can't wait to eat it! I saved it for tomorrow night. I'm really excited because I came up with it on my own and people actually seemed to like it. I sent some across the street I was so proud. Beginning to think I got into the wrong field. Lol. Although I burn myself on an almost constant basis. I have two burn scars on my right hand alone. Both were received making cheese pizza. Two different stoves though. I'm freaking talented like that. If I suck too bad at sewing, then I'll look into it again. Haha. I'm really beginning to get into it though. I used to never make anything without a recipe. Now I'm starting to free style it a lot more. So impressed with myselfroght now. So impressed. I love me. -pats self on back and then toots own horn- i wonder if anybody needs a chef's assistant or something. Hrmmmmmm...

Computer is supposed to be here tomorrow. We'll see. When all is said and done we will have two working computers here. Woot!

Well, that's all from me.

It Has Nothing To Do With You

2009-04-23T00:01:00.022-05:00

Can't freaking wait to get that new computer because now blogging by text is beginning to be a pain because of how it posts. I see about 30 posts that will go once I get back online. Will also be getting an lj. Haha. Haven't had one if those in so long I don't even remember what my last username was.This time I'm gonna go with Simply;Susan. I won't be doing entries though. Only going to spy on Mama T. Haha. Because she told me I could.

Got a letter from the uo today. Apparently there is a problem with my claim. I wish I hadn't have tossed out my separation papers from the Lake. Can't agrue with something on the official stationary. And then they called while I was out today.

Speaking of which, went to visit my Aunt Sonya today. Wes and his family were in town today. He's so grown up since entering the Marines. Didn't see Clay though. Little Mr. was sleeping. Can't believe he's freaking 18! Seems so crazy. He's not a bebe any more. The kids had a ball though. Wes has two little boys, Jackson and Jace. Jace is 16 months and Jackson is 3, but they kept up with my girls no problem. They were kinda iffy about each other at first, but it didn't take long to get them going. And Clay somehow slept through it all. Not sure how. Gotta be a heavy sleeper!

Was gonna take the girls to the BREC park by Antioch today but we decided against it because of the current gas situation. Oh well. It will be there next week. I'm gonna take them to a closer one tomorrow. The same sandy one from yday. Hopefully it won't be so much of an adventure this time! Haha.

Well, I think that's it for me.

How Soon Is Now?

2009-04-22T00:53:00.008-05:00

I kinda think I wanna be a wedding planner. I don't think I would be able to keep from slapping a bridezilla and yelling at her to chill the fuck out though. I know that if I ever get married again I will be as picky as I can. And that means everything. Groom included.

I was telling Mamaw today that I wanted to marry a cardiologist this time. I have a theory.

Went back to the uo today. Had to register and enter my resume. Stupid computer. Wish I had a computer geek who would fix it.

I have the worst luck with computers. I can kill a hard drive just by looking at it. And it's not like I save a lot of junk on them. They just randomly die! I'm a jinx.

So surprised Jessie's laptop didn't collapse into a smoldering pile the instant I touched it. I was super careful. I know my luck.I was not about to pass it on. So glad he didn't know that before. He would have banned me from the house altogether.

Took the kids to the park. That was quite the adventure. Got there had them take off the shoes and socks because it's one of those that has sand. We get to playing and Camy says she has to potty.Not a problem.

Well the grass has just been cut so it's "sharp". See where this is going?

She gets out there alright but there's no switch and its dark. She panics. So I tell her to just leave the door open but when she goes back she puts her socks back on. She gets halfway there and comes back again. She stepped on something. So she puts her shoes on and then finally she makes it. Now Jayde HAS to go.

So I go and take her.We get there and there are ants in there. Jayde panics. I pull her pants down and then put her on the potty. She goes. I grab her off of the potty and her shorts drop to the ground. We get her panties up. I pick up her shorts dust them off and put them on. She then wants me to carry her the whole way back.

I tell her to walk until she falls out. So she stops about three steps later and procedes to "fall" onto the ground. So I walk three more feet and tell her that if she makes it to me I will carry her. Well she does. So I carry her almost all the way but she starts to just hang on me instead of holding on. So I set her down, and she runs off.

The rest of the time went off without a hitch.I DO think that I got sand in my hair somehow.

So, anyway, that's about it for me.

Pass It To the Right

2009-04-21T00:02:00.002-05:00

Went to the unemployment office today. So many people! I had to make sure I was in the system because when I called yesterday, I had forgotten my PIN. How embarrassing! The lady told me to change it. I thought I already had. Lol. Oops. I have to go back tomorrow though. I have to register with the career solutions thing. I didn't have time today.

So, anyway, my computer crashed last night. Yay! Now I can't apply to jobs online. Frick! I hate applying the old fashioned way. I'm so technological lately. The only thing I really do the old fashioned way is the fact that I love to talk on the phone. And I never really did send emails to anyone. I hate email. I only have it so that I can do things that require one. Lol. I'm nerd.

I will be so glad when today is over. So sick of everybody talking about 420. Yeah. We freaking get it.

So not looking forward to tomorrow. I just have to get over it, I suppose. I really can't wait until I start getting the money. At least that will be SOMETHING I can contribute. At least I won't feel so freaking worthless then. Because many more dinners like the one we had tonight and I just might hurrt somebody. I do NOT enjoy telling them that no we don't have anything else to eat. >_ <

I REALLY need to go to bed so I can STOP thinking about it.

My Poker Face

2009-04-20T00:00:00.024-05:00

So, I don't think I can make it until my Canadian vacation in July. Oh. Didn't I tell you about that? Oh. So, I guess I'll leave that between Tiana, Curt, and me. I'll tell you more as time gets closer. But I swear, it's gonna happen. Somehow. I WILL get there.

I'm starting to really consider the possibility that my children are plotting my demise. They really seem to be getting worse and worse as the year goes on. But I did promise them no more spanking if they straighten up their acts. It definitely worked. At least for today it did. This will be a definite challenge and a pretty tough learning experience for me. Children are the best teachers, though. Looking at the world through the eyes of one of my babies will show you so much! I can guarantee that. Now, I know why so may people love early childhood development.

Anyway, I remembered why I hate throwing up today. Although, that's really not something you ever forget. My tummy is all rumbly and tumbly inside and me not liking it. Ew.

I am bored. Can you tell? Har. I kill me sometimes.

What else? Idunno. See what I meant about switching over to monthly entries? Really good idea. You won't have to suffer through the daily bullshit. And of course the entries will be longer. Ok. Not the BEST selling point. Lol. I am a dork. I know.

I really like how typing this up as a text helps me. This editor automatically capitalizes the first word of my sentences. It recognizes periods, exclamation points, and question marks. So awesome. The only problem? It doesn't have spell-check. Good thing I'm a really awesome speller to begin with! Now if only I could quit hitting the i and o keys together. That would REALLY help.

I should really go to bed soon. I am really tired. Don't know why. I was less tired after cleaning up that massive pile of pine chips after we got our stumps grounded. FUCK! Oh well. Goodnight, y'all!

This Takes REAL Talent

2009-04-19T01:38:00.003-05:00

Well, I guess I'm becoming less and less controlled by my computer and more and more controlled by my phone. I'd been wondering for weeks if I could just use my phone for blogging because I want to be able to without waking everyone up by typing on the computer. Because, to be quite honest, I can get a tad loud when typing. I've been told so quite a few times. Haha.

So, I haven't written in while. Yeah, I like to state the obvious. Bite me.

I really don't know what's been up with that lately. I'll probably make this a monthly thing for a while though. I'm really still kinda out of sorts and all of that. Not too surprising, considering the break up and the talk that preceded it.

But thanks to Tiana, I figured out what exactly what went wrong and why. Won't do that again! And if I even think of dooing it again I will definitely talk to her first. She may be younger than me, but she definitely has more experience with this stuff because while I was up Kyle's butt, she was out getting her heart stomped on, repeatedly.

So, I love her and respect her and she is truly my bestie. Well, my long distance bestie. My other bestie is a mere 5 hours away. Lol. And of course there's my "sister", but even she lives in the states still.

And now there is a monster monsoon going on outside and I think I just peed a little.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

2009-03-31T18:40:00.001-05:00

I have started RE-applying to places. Sounds like fun? Tons. I have only done two so far, but I guess it's better than none.

Mneh...

2009-03-29T18:37:00.002-05:00

I don't even know if I want to keep up this blogging thing any more. Isn't that a shame?

Out of Sorts

2009-03-24T22:57:00.002-05:00

I feel so out of sorts right now.

Jessie told me that we need to take this thing easy. Make it more casual. And that basically, I am not marriage material. Because I've already had kids and he feels like he's paying for my sins. And that he wants a clean slate. Which was one of my biggest fears. But I was ok with it. WAS. Today, I'm just feeling rejected, and like I'm having an out-of-body experience. It seems so surreal. I thought...I don't know. I don't want to get married again. I was so not ready to be in a serious relationship again, but then my heart did that butterfly thing. And I told him I wasn't sure it wasn't just infatuation at first. And I don't know if it really is love anyway, but I'm pretty sure he's scared out of his mind especially if he's been reading these blog's because sometimes I feel like I feel things so intensely that I am a little intense at times and he told me that I'm playing all my cards at once and I don't know how else to play this and I have absolutely no mystery and whatever and I so don't feel like a woman anymore. And yay for run-ons! And of course the same old story of not having confidence and at least p made an effort to try and build me up and tell me how awesome i am even if he was lying. and i guess he sorta did that the other night and yeah i need to get out more i know. i know. but that requires going out into public and being seen and not trying to hide which i am good at. really. if i could do a job from my corner. that would be awesome. i don't like people looking at me. ever. i love sex with the lights off. i love the dark. and i never used to be this way before kyle. iloved to be looked at i loved when guys tripped over themselves around me. even at 15, i had power and then after kyle it all fell apart i gained a lot of weight and lost my confidence. the bigger i get the less confidence i have and i wish i could be like queen latifah and toccara really i do they exhume confidence and they are big but me im just shrinking in that departmen. and my energy level is that of a sloth lately and i used to have a lot of energy people used to tell me to slow down and now ive slowed down too much i feel so...not me. i miss the old susan. the susan of 10 years ago the one who would tell you to your face where to stick it the susan that got into trouble for her mouth all the time the not so timid susan i miss her she ate herself into oblivion and now im afraid it's too late to find her.

Hey Dude!

2009-03-19T23:30:00.003-05:00

Did you miss me?

I just realized that I haven't blogged in a while. Good thing, though. Not sure how coherent I would have been. Spent all of this week trying to hack up a lung and feeling like my throat had been ripped out.

I think I got the worst of it today, to be honest. I finally took some Sudafed so that I could breathe. I took the kiddie kind though. You'd be surprised how well it works, though.

I think I'm due for another dose soon. The only thing is, it says "non-drowsy", but to my body that is like a challenge. It's like, "We'll see about that!" And then I fall asleep.

So, I don't want to go to bed until I talk to the boy. Because I am a crazy in love. According to Cindi, anyway. And maybe I am, but I don't see anything wrong with it. For what I can tell, he is crazy in love too.

Or do boys GET that way? Interesting... I'll have to think about that.

I haven't been this sick since last November. Weird.

And so, I haven't been called back by application 63. I guess I was over confident or something. I hope they will call tomorrow! I REALLY wanted this. Like I have never wanted a job more. Even when I was searching for jobs when I was right out of school did I want a job so much. I was so willing to learn about marketing and sales. I was THERE! GAH!

So, anyway, it looks like my only job for now is going to be school. I'mma talk it over with the mom this weekend and then see if I can start in the fall. The government/court considers school a job. So...maybe...I'm thinking fashion merchandising. I still have to get the basics no matter what I do, anyway. English Comp, College Alg, Speech, Sociology. Maybe something else. I don't know. Maybe a science. Chemistry maybe. Maybe a bird course. Iunno. Let's see what BRCC -cringe- has to offer first.

There is still some time to think all of this through. So...

snip, snap snout,
this blog's told out!

Blogger's Block

2009-03-13T15:17:00.002-05:00

I have a serious case of blogger's block. I have no idea what to say lately.

Um. Haven't talked to Jessie in a while. Kinda bummed about that. I really want to hear his voice. I keep thinking about the other Saturday and my heart keeps doing the butterfly thing. I miss him! Ok. Maybe THAT'S why I haven't written. Haha. It's all I can think about. And wouldn't that be sappy/boring to read over and over.

Interview with application number sixty-three yesterday. Went well. The guy totally checked me out though. Partially my fault, I guess. I wore a skirt. A flippy one. And high heels. And I wore my hair back, which is my best look, imo. And I guess I was a little flirty. Those Indian guys love me, though. -cheeky grin- I can definitely offer him a lot more than the guy that interviewed ahead of me. LOL Oh get your head out of the gutter! I just mean something to look at. Sheesh! I love Jessie, and would never do that to him. And I MEAN that.

Anyway, they will call next week for a second, longer interview. I'm excited! I have to get a new outfit, though. Flippy skirt will only take me so far. It will be my ability to bs that will win me the job. And the bs switch was so on yesterday. So on.

Oh wow. I guess the block has been lifted. I just have to force myself to start, I guess. Haha.

And now I just cursed myself. LAWD!

snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out!

Check It!

2009-03-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

www.wednesdayswishes.blogspot.com

GO THERE!

The Rainbow Connection

2009-03-10T15:41:00.002-05:00

I hate wearing glasses. Hate it! But I'm resting my eyes, so they will have to do. Of course, I could just type this without them at all. Haha. Blind typing!

So, anyway, that is what I am doing now. This should be interesting.

I really shouldn't even be in front of the computer at all. But I am. Take that! I feel so useless without being able to see, though.

I can't find my phone. I have it on loud and still can't find it. Don't call me. I'm an absolute mess today. The end.

BLAH! I have a case of the blahs.

snip, snap, snout
this blog's told out!

Alrighty Then!

2009-03-09T01:32:00.004-05:00

I think Jessie is more anxious about me getting my life together than I am. Although, I see his point. I love that we can be so honest with each. And I love that he totally called me out tonight on my certain habit.

So. Where have I applied to today? All of these are local gigs, btw.

56. National Vision- Receptionist
57. JCPenney Portrait Studio-Team Member
58. Romano's Macaroni Grill
59. Champs Sports Management Trainee
60. Sales Associate- Dilliard's
61. Smarz and Associates
62. Research Assistant- ACS

Red Rebellion

2009-03-07T19:58:00.004-06:00

Went to a free concert and DVD shoot today. They rocked it. The wind was being a bitch and screwing with the sound, but all was good. They did their thing, rocked it out. I was proud of them. Took some pics. Here they are.

Scott pounds the drums

Shane. Rockin' it!

Alexandra, Shane and Melissa's little girl

Alexandra shows off her loose tooth

FYI: I went to school with Melissa and Scott in 6th and 7th grade. Shane and Scott are BFF. Shane and Melissa are engaged.

You Know It!

2009-03-04T02:52:00.000-06:00

CLICK HERE FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

Must Keep Going!

2009-03-03T16:18:00.003-06:00

I have applied to seven more places making the count 55.

I am about to cry. Not only is my count at 55, but I have recruited my ex-husband to help with the job hunt. I doubt he can do anything, but I sent him my resume'. I am THAT desperate. I am also looking for jobs not directly in my field. Anybody else who wants a copy of my resume' can have it, if they think they can help.

Although, I did just get off the phone with a lady from the CVS Caremark job in Birmingham. -crosses fingers- She said she would pass my info on to her supervisors. It sounded promising-ish!

"Satan" Should Die

2009-03-03T00:39:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was pretty fun. I don't think it was as fun for Jessie. ROFLMAO So not going there. He would kill me! And I know he reads this, so, so not taking the chance. I mean, I love you, Jessie!

Cycle day number one for me. So much fun! Cramps are AWESOME! Cramps in the cold, though? PRICELESS! And me, without a snuggle buddy! HOW VERY PERFECT! -eyeroll-

I'm driving up there on Friday night. Don't argue. Everybody needs a stalker. LOL

My friend, Melissa, has this very awesome fiance named Shane, and he is shooting a DVD on Saturday. Guess who is going? ME! Iz gonna be a star! I made a deal that will probably come back to haunt me, but whatever. I really need to get out more.

So, anyway, I am sitting INSIDE wearing a hoodie. I am a wienie today. A very big wienie.

What else?

Nothing especially cool happened today. I didn't even apply to anywhere today. I didn't get rejected either. So, that was good. I'm just going to start applying to places and get a "normal" job now. It's come down to that. I don't know how useful my resume will be for that, though, but it can't hurt to try. Right? Right. But let me take this opportunity to say how much Mr. Bobby Jindal sucks right now. I never thought his hiring freezes would affect me. HA! And now there are approximately 2,000 more people looking for jobs now. Wait! Is that right? I think it may be more. But anyway, this means even MORE competition and pretty much all of it more experienced, period. fkldsfaskl;ajskal;sakl;fdskalf!

I wish somebody would discover me. I wish somebody would hear me singing and be like, "you! record deal! now!" Or maybe say to me, "you have a pretty face, come model for us!" Something! I need a break. Just a small one. Just something to get me on my feet enough to be able to get a house, or like be able to STAY here.

No, I really DON'T like my supposed free ride. It kills me. I am just sitting here, rotting basically, and I won't be able to keep this house. And I can't afford anything else. And I have mouths to feed. Bodies to clothe. Heads to cover. And in July, I'm going to lose the ability to do that. FOR GOOD! And I feel like such a bum. Like a loser. And all anybody can say is "sorry," but they can't do anything to help. All they can do is shake their heads and pity me. FUCKING! HELP ME! Telling me to let it go and let God, isn't helping me. God is not doing SHIT! He thinks this whole thing is fucking hilarious. Well, guess what! I don't get the joke. I'm not laughing.

Worrying about it another day is not an option. THIS IS IT! This is crunch time. This is move it or lose it time. There is no more tomorrow left. I have no time to relax. This has to get done, NOW! There is no time for self-pity or self- doubt. It is what is it, and that's all there is. And I guess it's just me myself and I now. Nobody's going to do it for me. I have to do it. I have to do it ALL! And it has to be done YESTERDAY!

And I am way past over emotional right now, so I'm going to bed.

snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out

CC's, I Love You, Taco Bell, Not So Much

2009-03-01T01:10:00.003-06:00

So, um, things happen so quickly around here it's pretty funny. Date = back on. LMAO. He'll be here in about 12 hours!

Anyway, I got an iced chai latte' today from CC's, and I was in heaven. I miss it. So much. Being broke sucks!

But then I tried to find a Taco Bell and the one by my house was closed due to equipment failure. Susan was PISSED! She drove all over town to find one. Fucking Nazis!

I am in such a weird mood right now. I'm in between giddy and nervous.

I have to clean my house and make cookies and all kinds of fun stuff.

I think I will send my gma off when he gets here. Maybe she can go to my mom's? I don't know. She said she would go to her room or something. But I honestly don't want to disrupt the flow of the afternoon. I'm way past weirded out when it comes to seeing him again.

I don't know how it's gonna go. I mean, I know I feel things for him, but I don't think fucking him would absolutely be appropriate on the first "date." But who knows how long until we see each other again, you know.

I'm gonna try to get over my weird fear of driving up there alone by then. Maybe do a dry run or two with the gma? I don't know. Somebody help me! I don't know how long the Kyle excuse is gonna work for.

I meean, it IS true. He WON'T drop them off if I'm not there. But...I'm not completely sure once will hurt. I really just want Jessie to come tonight. Well, I did, but ish too late now. : (

I wish I knew all the answers! I think I'mma go to bed now. Maybe my sub-conscious will know what to do.

Snip, snap, snout,
This blog's told out!

Real Entry!

2009-02-28T01:09:00.003-06:00

So things are going ok in the love dept. We had a date, but then we realized how broke we both are so he had to cancel. Actually, he has to use to last of his money to pay a ticket. LOL. And I have to use the rest of my money on bills. FAIL! To people

The job front is not looking good. I am up to 48 applications and 6 rejections so far. I am going to start applying to non-pharmacy tech positions.

Kyle called me this morning...uh...yesterday morning now, and said he would distribute my resume' to anybody he could. Unfortunately, one of the people he mentioned has already told me how much I suck. They were my FIRST rejection. But at least I went on an interview with them. Nobody else has even given me that much. I think I may have been rejected from the job in Watson too, though. I've heard nothing. But they really don't need me until April anyway. Here's to hoping. I think Watson is closer to Jessie. I have to look it up. I am geography fail.

The kids are gone again. 4th time? They are going to Eunice again this weekend. They have a birthday party to go to. A third (or fourth?) cousin is turning one. Fun fun.

And that's it

Snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out.

Proof Of My Rock Moves

2009-02-26T01:10:00.002-06:00

I got this from Tiana's facebook.

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

What Susan Needs

2009-02-25T23:48:00.002-06:00

I stole this from Nik's facebook:

Go to google, type in (your name) Needs, and share the first ten things it comes up with. My comments are in ()'s.

1. Susan needs all your love and money (maybe not ALL your money)
2. Susan needs to understand that she needs to be building up her language
3. Susan needs a wheelchair. (not so much)
4. Susan needs our prayers . (not really me, just my situation)
5. Susan needs opportunities to practice literate speech
6. Susan needs to stop complaining (YES SHE DOES!)
7. Susan needs to get laid! (OMG! Truer words have not been spoken)
8. Susan needs to "get off her butt and do more housework. (pfft!)
9. Susan needs your help now to prepare for the election call
10.Susan needs a tray, six inserts, center bowl and metal spinning rack (Do what now?)

And a bonus:
11. Susan needs a change. (OK. I take that back. THESE are the truest words.)

Collateral Damage

2009-02-25T01:10:00.003-06:00

MORE APPLICATIONS! I know this is getting annoying, but it's more for my records.

I'm going to start keeping a cumulative list.

So I'm starting with 34 today.

34. Aerotek Scientific- Nashville, TN
35. UHS Pruitt Corporation- Valdosta, GA
36. Lexington Medical Center- West Columbia, SC
37. HealthSpring- Nashville, TN
38. Corporate Pharmacy- Gadsden, AL
39.MedfusionRx- Franklin, TN

40.Covidien- Dallas, TX
41. The Corner Pharmacy- Nashville, TN
42. Manpower- Allentown, PA
43. Cardinal Health- Birmingham, AL
44. Mission Hospitals- Asheville, NC
45. TMI Management Systems, Inc.- Murfreesboro, TN
46. Lockheed Martin- Southern, MS
47. Innovative Pharmacy Services- Altamonte Springs, FL
48. Baptist Health South Florida- Miami, FL

I need two more. I can't find any more, though.

NEW LIST!

2009-02-25T00:22:00.002-06:00

Wishlist!

CLICK IT!

From Queen Bee To Worker Bee

2009-02-24T15:54:00.002-06:00

So, today is Mardi Gras AKA Fat Tuesday. Whatever. It's just another Tuesday even though I live in LA. I still have to find a job, so I am still applying to places. So, today I applied to the following:

1. Rite Aid- Hagewood, LA
2. Medical Staffing Network Allied Services- Pensacola, FL
3. knowledge services- Sioux Falls, SD
4. InRange Systems- San Antonio, TX
5. PharMerica- Lubbock, TX
6. CCS Medical- Clearwater, FL
7. ExcelleRX, INC- Memphis, TN
8. Maxim Staffing Solutions- Nashville, TN

That makes the total 33.

How Many More?

2009-02-20T09:10:00.004-06:00

So, Jessie (the new boy) called me a slacker for applying to 12 jobs yday. I know he was joking, but it seriously got me to thinking that I should have done more. So, today I am aiming to do like 24 more. That would make 36 this week. And I did like 10 before. Making the total 46. So maybe I will do 28, making the total 50. Why not, right?

So, here's the list for today:
1. MCLNO/Charity Hospital and Med Center - New Orleans, LA (local-ish)
2. CVS Caremark- Birmingham, AL
3. Kaiser Permanente- Southern California

Yeah, I suck. So, not feeling it today. That's only 15 this week. I don't care. I don't really at this point. The Yahoo! Hot Jobs website is being a pain.

Back On the Trail

2009-02-19T14:07:00.003-06:00

The job trail that is.

Today I have applied to:
1. St. Francis Health Systems
2. Bard
3. United Career Services
4. St. Luke's Episcopal Health System
5. Providence Health and Services
6. Scott & White
7. CCS Medical
8. Univ. Health System
9. MEDPRO PERSONNEL INC.
10.Unity Health Care Inc.
11. Bayfront Health System
12. Tenet Healthcare

None of them are local. All of them are in other states. DESPERATION ANYONE?

What a Weirdo!

2009-02-19T00:24:00.003-06:00

I am actually crying and wanting to end this relationship before it gets started because he wants to take it slow and actually understands. I don't get me sometimes.

LOVE LIST!

2009-02-18T15:01:00.001-06:00

New love list posted

www.wednesdayswishes.blogspot.com

New Boy, New Plea

2009-02-18T14:52:00.003-06:00

There is a new booooooooooooooooy! So, be prepared for long gushing entries in the future.

Anybody that reads this should share with me links to their local hospitals. I'm now looking for any and all pharmacy technician positions in any state. I'm not being picky any more. I just need a job now. ANY JOB WILL DO! If you are a Tech, and you work in retail, ask your managers if they need more techs. Tell them you know somebody. Give them my name. And if you need my info, just ask. I'll get it to you. I'm a hard worker and a people person. I never meet a stranger. I love to work the drive-thru window or even the register. I can count pills all day, and can rotate stock. I already know how Walgreens works, but I can pick up on a new chain in no time. I'm a very intelligent individual and a fast learner. I'm very out-going and very willing to help, even if helping means trying to calm somebody down. I am very interested in learning. I can talk about how awesome I am all day! Just ask.

Best. Song. Evar!

2009-02-17T15:19:00.003-06:00

"So What?!"-P!NK

I guess I just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent(nope)
I got a brand new attitude
And I'm gonna wear it tongiht
I'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na na na
I wanna start a fight
I wanna start a fight

{CHORUS}
So...
So what!
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight...
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So...
So what!
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Check my flow (uhh)

The waiter just took my table
And gave it to Jessica Sim...(Shit)
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy
At least he knows how to hit (Whoops)
What if this song's on the radio?
Somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight
He's gonna start a fight
We're all gonna get in a fight

{CHORUS}
So...
So what!
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight...
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So...
So what!
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

You weren't there
You never were
You want it all
But that's not fair
I gave you life
I gave my all
You we're there
You let me fall

{CHORUS}
So...
So what!
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight...
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So...
So what!
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

NO no
No no
I don't want you tonight
You weren't there
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool

{CHORUS}
So...
So what!
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight...
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So...
So what!
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Ba da da da da da

The words that are bolded are EXACTLY how I feel about Mr. Kyle. EXACTLY! So, this song is my theme for this year. I'm taking that "Fuck you!" attitude and just rolling with it.

Cold Day In Hell...Literally

2009-02-16T15:22:00.002-06:00

So, I don't know how many of you noticed (my mom did), but I literally live in a hell house. Just look at my street number upside down, if you are privy to my address. Anyway. It is cold here. So, yeah. Cold in hell. Thank you. -bows- Corny. I know.

I actually has pants on and not shorts. WOW! And I am thinking about putting on socks. WHOA!

And now, thanks to MJ, I AM thinking about moving to Bay St. Louis. I would like to move AWAY from the hurricanes, but closer to them could work too. I guess. LOL.

Anyway, Camy came home from school today with another fever. 100.2. We gave her Tylenol, problem solved. She doesn't know her seasons, though. Weird. She knows all her sight words, plus about a million more, but seasons allude her. -headsmack-

I don't know what else to say. I am boring. And bored. Someone give me something to do!

snip snap snout
this blog's told out!

I'm Still a Rock Star

2009-02-15T23:15:00.002-06:00

So, not too many people asked anything. My one and only question comes from Vicki of Olive Branch, MS AKA vicki_lou.

Vicki writes:
"Oh! I have a question!! I'm curious about your wanting to move to Memphis."

Well, Vicki, to be honest, Memphis was random. It's the closest I can move away from Baton Rouge without being in LA or MS. Plus, I have a cousin in the area who I am kinda close with. That's pretty much it. -shrugs-

So, I guess that concludes the Q&A.

snip snap snout
this blog's told out.

Happy Beheading Day!

2009-02-14T15:39:00.005-06:00

Oh yes. It's St. Valentine's Day again. How delightful. Still don't see the point in celebrating the day the man got beheaded with symbols of love. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Help me understand. Please!

So, anyway, my body is back to normal-ish again. Stomach ache still, but it comes and goes.

Camy seems about 85% better. She is writing and reading right now. Not sure why. I don't think she knows it is Saturday...LOL

I kinda wish it was Wednesday again so I could do another wish list. I'm kinda bored.

Let's do a Q & A! You ask any question you want at the end of this entry and I will answer it in the next entry. Sound like fun? Sounds like fun to me. Nothing is too personal or off limits. So, think hard and ask away. Ready. Set. Go!

snip snap snout
this blog's told out!

How One Hour Became Four

2009-02-13T23:16:00.003-06:00

I definitely don't win any awards for motherhood today.

Camy ended up tossing her cookies and spiking a 102 temp at about t minus 1 hour. And what did she throw up? Something I gave to her at about 9:15. Gross. It just sat on her tummy for freaking SEVEN hours! EW!

So, she didn't go to Eunice. Kyle and I agreed that them there old people didn't need to be exposed.

Hah? You agree? Just like that. I fused now. NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANY MORE!

This Is Torture

2009-02-13T14:23:00.004-06:00

Another weekend at Daddy's! Jayde doesn't want to go. LOL. They're actually going to Eunice, LA. Not really sure why, but it's whatever.

Camy stayed home from school today. She had a 102.5 temperature. She really SHOULDN"T be going anywhere. She came home yday and had tossed her cookies. She had barely eaten anything. Turns out a bug is going around. From head lice to stomach bugs. I really don't miss school when summer is here. We don't have to deal with other parent's stupidity when we're out of school. If your kid has bugs, whether tangible or not, don't send them to school. A sure sign of a bug is a fever. 99.9 is fine, but when you get to 100, just don't do it! GAH! Thick green mucus is NOT your friend. It is EVIL! EVIL! -jumps off of high horse-

I feel better now.

I'm thinking about applying to some hospitals in the Memphis area. Vicki gave me some great information about the hospitals in the area. I could hug her! I think I'll start with St. Jude. You may have heard of them...

Which reminds me. HAT DRIVE TIME!

I am unofficially starting a hat drive. I am collecting hats to send to St. Jude. If you want to participate, let me know. NEW HATS ONLY! If you want to make them, knitted and crocheted is fine. Must come from a smoke-free home. My goal is 20 "boy" hats and 20 "girl" hats. I did this before in 2006 ( I think). Well, I take that back. I sent that many, but I just bought them all myself. I want to give others a chance to help. But keep in mind that I will have other opportunities to help. If you don't do this, you can always do other things. There's still 10 months in the year. If you have a giving back idea, let me know.

Note to self: TAKE CLOTHES TO SVP!

Sorry. January's project got started and never finished. Har. Big garbage bags. I needz them.

T minus 2 hours and counting :(

I'm going to go now. Children's movie has ended and chaos will soon ensue.

snip snap snout
this blog's told out

Purrfect Day

2009-02-11T23:30:00.005-06:00

Today Camy decided to paint my fingernails. She did pretty decent even though she did it her own way rather than the "right" way. Haha. She painted them like you would paint a picture. LOL So cute! How many five-year-olds can claim they painted mommy's nails? Not many. I don't think Grandma Karen the Wonderful would have let her.

I'm on page 99 of Midnight Sun...an incomplete copy of Midnight Sun, as it hasn't been finished/published yet, but Midnight Sun nonetheless. You can find a copy at www.stephaniemeyer.com.

My stomach still hurtsss. And of course my back, but that's perpetual.

I don't know. I'm boring.

snip, snap, snout
this blog's told out!

Ever Have a Wish?

2009-02-11T00:00:00.001-06:00

I have plenty of them. And you can view them here *clickclick* every Wednesday.

May I Have Your Attention Please!

2009-02-10T00:07:00.002-06:00

I've been pretty much pumping Ibuprofen into my system for like 3 days now. This is NOT a normal back ache. A normal back ache I can handle. Whatever. But I also have a stomach ache. Something may ACTUALLY be wrong with me. Or maybe not. It's probably random again. My foot hurts and swells up. Random. My stool is runny and I've had it for like 3 weeks. Random. I have a headache on the top of my head. Random. My muscles are twitchy. Random. I've about had it with random. Something effin' better be wrong with me or I'm never seeing another doctor again. I can just outright die. I don't care. Because they WON'T be able to find a cause. RANDOM IS GOING TO KILL ME!

And how was your day?

snip snap snout
this blog's told out!

Boredom! Oh How I Love Thee!

2009-02-04T19:24:00.003-06:00

Just made this. 'Twas an assignment from Nik. We were SUPPOSED to photograph them, but alas, I am cameraless so I had to scan it in.

Step Into the Boudoir

2009-02-04T00:35:00.010-06:00

And the plans go on. This is just a simple list.

1. Bed $200, W-M
2. Dresser/wardrobe $200, W-M$160, W-M
3. NightstandTargetTarget
4. Lamp$46, W-M$50, W-M$41, W-M$128 (as a set-table and floor), W-M$82 (floor lamp), W-M$17, W-M, $55 (ceiling lamp), W-M
5. Painting (over the bed) $240 RTG
6. Mirror (over the dresser) $400, RTG
7. Other paintings $150, RTG $150, RTG
8. SheetsTargetTarget
9. ComforterTargetTargetTarget
10. Anything else?$130, RTG $130, RTG

And this? This is for the living room! It's to go on the sofa.

Just More Plans!

2009-02-03T23:33:00.011-06:00

I need a room, and a living room. So, here it goes!

SOFA! This is really the only piece I need and it matches the shit I already have. We're doing a magnolia theme. The coffee table and the end table I have already match this. They're about the same color as the dark brown. And a magnolia is about shade as the ivory color. I already have a painting that will go over it. I might need a television stand and a couple of chairs. I might be able to get away with one. I also might need a new rug? I don't even know what kind of floors I'll have, obviously, as I don't have a place picked. Anyway, this sofa is from Rooms To Go. It's price is about $4oo and it is called the Wesley sofa. I might just go ahead and get a love seat and a chair instead of two chairs. I really like the Wesley Lovesea. It's a smaller version of this sofa. It costs about $380. And I guess I'll have to get a chair that looks the same? Can I do that? I mean, sorry, you weren't in my head. I mean, can I mix and match furniture colors? Idunno. Never seen it done. That'd be new. LOL. They'd call the style "Simply Susan". Har. "Oh. I see you have a "Simply Susan" style den. Neat." And actally I was wondering. Do I really want a sofa and a loveseat or do I want a loveseat and a chaise. Or what? Or do I wan a recliner or a chair chair. Or do I want one of each and not a loveseat? So many decisions. So, I'll post all of my picks, do the calculations and then decide. Just planning anyway. Nothing is FINAL! So, this is the recliner/rocker I'd get. It definitely doesn't match absolutely, but I figure it's close enough. This is about $600, which is more than the couch! And it is a Lynley Hazelnut Rocker Recliner. Or I can get this one. This is the Francis Beige Recliner. It costs $450. While it only has one color, the color definitely matches better. And here's a wild chair! It's the Gregory Swivel Chair. Now, on this one, the dark brown doesn't match absolutely, but the ivory does. Interesting, no? Anyway, it costs about $650 and would probably have me wanting to strangle my little darlings. You know how they like to spin chairs. Oh. By the by, there IS a Wesley Chair. It's $350. I'm thinking I might just SKIP the chaise thing. They're OOGLY! I'm really kinda disapointed that they don't have a Wesley Ottoman. But who needs an ottoman anyway? This is about need not want!

Next we come to entertainment centers. I don't need a whole lot. Just something to keep the kids out of the DVDS and stuff and it has to hold the television up. Just something basic in other words. And THIS is NOT what I'm talking about. The Santa Cruz Wall Unit is NOT what I mean. It's nice. But no. I need something more along the lines of The Morton Console for $450. That's what I REALLY need.

It's Fun To Plan

2009-02-02T18:51:00.019-06:00

This is strictly rough plans for the new house which we don't even have yet. Haha.

IF they each have their own room here are the plans:

Jayde:

-gets a new bed (twin/princess)
- horse/my little pony themed
-pink walls
-gets the cradle and baby dolls
-gets one of my dressers (the shorter one)
-gets the quilt rack
-gets Todd's nightstand and new lamp

Camryn:
-gets my old bed (twin/princess)
- TinkerBell/fairy/pixie themed
-purple walls
-gets the other of my dressers (the taller one)
-gets my nightstand and new lamp
-gets the cedar chest with blankets inside

Susan:
-gets a new dresser
-gets a new nightstand and lamp
-Asian themed
- same color it is now (dark teal)
-gets new dresser
-gets new bed (double/prince)
-takes one of the dress up trunks

IF there is only one room for the girls they want the following:

-a bunk bed (comes with drawers and a desk- each will get three drawers, Camy will use the desk, will each still have their own lamp)
- Tinkerbell/fairy/pixie and horse/my little pony theme integrated
-pink and purple walls with an armchair railing
- Still get my dressers
-cradle and dolls
-keep ALL the dressup trunks
-I get the cedar chest
-Mamaw keeps the quilt rack
-extra twin bed becomes a "nanny bed".

13 Days

2009-02-01T15:18:00.002-06:00

13 days until my beheading ceremony. Haha.

Not having a good day today.

I'm really tired of the mental beat down I keep getting. From my grandmother. Really? Are you serious? You love me the most my foot. I'm the only one of your grandchildren you do this to. Be a grandmother for God sake. You don't have to be the one to burst my bubble all the time. You don't have to be my reality check. I know what the reality of the situation is. I don't need that. Just be happy for me when I'm happy, sad for me when I'm sad, and encourage me when I'm anxious. Why can't you? No, you have to lay on the guilt and act like you can't trust me. WTF? I'm not the one you have a problem with. I am not a liar. I never have been. That's the way I was brought up. And you know that. So quit acting like you don't. It's annoying. And you aren't stupid. So quit pulling that too. You're more alert than any grandmother I know. Get over it. You aren't dying tomorrow. Sorry. You aren't. You're in too good a shape. Maybe you shouldn't have taken such good care of yourself. God forbid you outlive your mother. Your mother had LUNG CANCER. She smoked. And wouldn't stop. You did. Okay? Yes. Living happens when you take care of yourself. And really, when you act like a grandmother, I am really glad you did that. I am. It's just when you stomp around and act like I'm a horrible person that I wish you would die. I'm hard enough on myself. Why can't you just support me? I'm supposed to be my worst critic, not you. Geez.

Sorry. Had to get that out. This is what happens when you live with your grandmother. Not love. Not unconditional love anyway. You get betterment tips. You get guilt. You get treated like you're a moron. Fuck you if you think I'm the favorite! I'm not. Let her live with you for a while. Let's see how favorite you think I am then. Maybe you'll get some of the crap I've had to put up with for years. See if you put THAT title on me still. See if you like being pressured all the time by someone who isn't yourself. See if you like being told how you're doing it all wrong. See if you like being told what a liar you are. And how you can't be trusted. See how good that feels. So yeah. If favorite means most criticized then, yes, that's me. Go to hell!

Obviously I wasn't done...

But now I am

snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out!

On the Up and Up

2009-01-30T15:24:00.004-06:00

Got an email from OLOLRMC, and yes, P was right. WTFE. I just had to see. Totally not sweating it.

Got a call from the place in Watson. Yes, mother, I am glad I applied. Got an interview for Monday @ 1.

Kids go to Jackson again this weekend. Will probably spend tonight at a hotel again. Haha. Too bad for him. The things he will do to keep his lie going are amazing. Although, he IS still a man. I laugh. I laugh hard.

If I get the job in Watson, will totally be moving up there. Saw a great little neighborhood close to the store.

I hope that changes the arrangement. I hope that means he can't just come to my house and put them to bed any more. Sounds like a question for el lawyer.

Found out how much I'll be getting back from the federal gov't for taxes and it's a pretty little penny. Can make 3 car payments and still have some to get up to northern MS for "Christmas." And the local tax just might pay for el tattoo. I just have to get the forms. Too bad Brian (the step-dad) doesn't work for LDR any more. That step would be so much easier then. Oh well.

This itchiness has gotten outta control. I wish I knew what was causing it. My skin's not talking.

Totally broke my myspace purge. I had to. I wanted to look at Stan's tattoos. If he's doing my phoenix tattoo, I have to check him out. He's gonna draw it up for me too. Because I say so. Although 8 hours is awfully far to drive for an awesome tattoo done by a friends' S.O. Oh well. I've totally convinced my gma to go with me. Ray Charles Plaza for her, tattoo for me. I bet my mom would love the Riverquarium too. That's not until July, though anyway. I'll have time to save up for all of that. And I'll convince el madre to let me drive. I've driven her Durango around town, I just have to learn to Interstate with it. That could take a while. That thing is el huge! And you thought the Hummer was big. And it still might be, but these wheels are almost as tall as Jayde. And she's no shortie. She's 37", maybe 38" So, these wheels ain't small, by any means. The top of my Avenger, the TOP, comes up to her door, like the middle of her door. OK? And I almost fall out of the thing any time I get out. And getting in? Fahgetabouit! I has to climb in like a kid. She needs running boards like whoa. Oh yes. Durangos are scary creatures. I kid you not.

Mom and Brian are going on vaca starting tonight. It's their anniversary trip. They got married on 02-02-01. I was a Junior in highschool. Seventeen before I got a dad. LMAO. That kills me. It wasn't that funny at the time, but now it is. Don't ask. Oh and Moody Blue (the Avenger) will have been in my possesion for a year by then. And she is totally getting a make over this weekend. I've got the apolstery cleaner and the time, and now she's getting a clean. And then? NO MORE DRIVE THRU IN THE CAR! If we don't have time to get out and eat, we won't be getting it. -sets foot down- I'm putting my foot down.

What else?

Jayde decided she was a cat today, so I made her strip naked. She cried. We talked and now she's decided that she is a little girl. I told her all of the things that cats can't do. You should have seen her face. "No cheese?!" I'm a mean mommy, I know, but it worked. No more cats. It all started because she was dumping coke onto the window seat and licking it up. Gross!

Snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out!

Not Da Baby!

2009-01-28T20:38:00.003-06:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. This week has rushed by.

My baby turned three today. I made a time line of polaroids to share. YAY! I just don't have one for today. LOL. By the by, this idea came from my friend Tiana. Tiana had a baby one day before I had Jayde. We call them our almost twins. LMAO

We're gonna have professional ones done soon, and I'll share that photoshoot with you the day I get them back. It's our annual shoot. We usually do it as close to the actual date as possible, which usually means around the first week of February (when bitches get paid).

Anyway, on with the show:

The Bad News Bears

2009-01-25T16:37:00.002-06:00

Bad mood today. I woke up grouchy and today isn't looking good for making me feel better. My kids are acting like they hate me. My gma is trying to figure out why, and everything is just irritating me. It's one of THOSE days, ok? I'm in a foul mood. DEAL WITH IT! I just want to cuss everybody out and go back to bed until tomorrow. FUCK! Don't you get it! RAWR!

I want to smack every single one of my friends. All of them. Internet or otherwise. It seems like everyone is being bitchy and whiny today and it's like STFU! And yes, I probably need to STFU too. I'm sick of bitches. SICK! We're all in hard times. ALL. OF. US. You are NOT alone. I know you feel like it, but you aren't. I. DON'T. HAVE. A. JOB! And it doesn't look like I'm going to get one any time soon. I've been on one interview. ONE! And they called me to tell me that basically I suck and that I need more experience. How the hell am I supposed to GET the experience if nobody will freaking hire me? HOW? And I basically screwed myself over on that one. I screwed MYSELF out of a job. I'd be at work right now had I not freaking procrastinated. I'd be getting MORE than $1035 for tax returns had I just did my stuff. A nd don't think I'll EVER get over that. I won't. No use beating myself up over that, but I wouldn't have a problem AT ALL if I hadn't acted stupid. fsdjfkl;jfklds;jal

And I have no patience today. NONE! Did I freaking mention that? Because I don't. Everybody is going in freaking slow motion today and it's very annoying. move. move. move. I don't have time for you today.

And I wonder if anybody knows how damn annoying it is to hear about all these people that are looking for pharmacy techs. Do they realize how stupid THAT makes me feel? "This company, this company, and this company are looking for techs. Why can't you find a job?" I DON'T KNOW! OK? I JUST DON'T KNOW! It's bad enough that Kyle is pushing me, I don't need everybody pushing me. I can't fill out another damn application. I just can't. I'll start again on Monday. I really will, but 8 is enough for now.

And finding a house? Or something to live in. Anywhere? It's impossibe. And yes, this is me breaking down. And no, I'm not feeling any better.

How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

2009-01-24T22:02:00.002-06:00

Here are some dogs I'd like to adopt.

Mia

Mia lives in Baton Rouge at the American Pit Bull Terrier Rescue, Inc., She is an adult female and had a litter of puppies in June, and was ready for adoption in August. She has been spayed. Here is her website http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10000875

Roxy

Roxy also lives in Baton Rouge, in the same place as Mia. She is a year, and has been spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10510084

Zada

Zada is 1.5 years old and is being listed with the same place as the previous two, but actually lives in Lafayette, LA. She has also been spayed.

Reba

Reba is a Boxer/Pitt Bull Terrier mix. She is with the same group as the other ladies and resides in Baton Rouge. She has also been spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12072213

Rachel

Rachel is a middle aged dog, who live in Prairieville, LA. She is staying with Hokie's Hounds Beagle Rescue. She has been spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=8203655

Patty

Patty is a Basset Hound/Beagle mix and lives in Prairieville, LA. She is listed with the same association as Rachel. She is spayed, and uses a doggie door. She is about 1-2 years old. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12726590

Glory

Glory comes from APAWS and lives in Baton Rouge. She is a dapple dachshund, and is spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10646031 On a sidenote: I've been wanting to adopt a dapple since "meeting" Stephanie's two. Finally found one! AWWWWWW!

Scarlett

Scarlett was rescued by APAWS. Her previous owner neglected to feed her when she became pregnant and was very skinny when rescued. She is a Dachshund/Minature Pinscher mix. She is heartworm positive, but APAWS will pay to have them treated. Scarlett is a lap baby. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=11975057

Penny

Penny was rescued by Gypsys Eye Blind Dog Rescue, but is not blind herself. She is a beagle that lives in Baton Rouge. She is spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=11913033

Berkley

Berkley was rescued by the SPCA from a local kill shelter. She is a Rat Terrier/Beagle mix and has not been spayed yet. She does, however, come with a spay voucher. She is only a baby. She lives in Walker, LA

Kate

Kate is about 6 years old. She lives in Plaquemine, LA courtesy of S.O.S. RescueShe has been spayed. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=6182065

Ginger

Ginger lives in New Road, LA at the POINTE COUPEE ANIMAL SHELTER, and is a Dachshund/Fox Terrier mix. She is shy and sweet, and is just a tot. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12007233

Penelope

Penelope is a Beagle/Hound mix and lives in Roseland, LA at the Raven Woods Animal Sanctuary. She has been spayed and is 3 years old. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12761843

Nicole

Nicole was found abandoned at a local college campus. She now lives at HOPE for Animals in Thibodaux, LA. She is spayed.http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12803975

Treasure

Treasure is an American Staffordshire Terrier mix. She lives in New Orleans at ARNO. She has been spayed and knows basic commands. She was found in a rough part of Kenner. http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10071503

And that's all for now because I will be looking and showing for days if I don't stop. I'll show some more later.

Somebody's Watching Me

2009-01-24T20:02:00.004-06:00

I am bored like whoa. And sleepy like whoa too.

Took Camy to dancing. Came home. Napped. Watched the kids. Hollered at the kids. Contemplated getting a second dog. Ate dinner. BORING!

It rained today. That's my real problem. That is why I am draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaging.

Tried to take a sunset picture, but either we didn't really have one due to the rain or the weather channel lied as to what time it would happen and I missed it.

Everybody is in a bad mood over here. I don't know what was in the water or tea tonight but now everybody is being pooey. It's like, leave each other alone!

My mom piddled with Camryn's ear for like 20 minutes, so I guess I'd be a little irritated too. But she's really not the problem. It's the kid who didn't have her ear piddled with for that long. It's the little one. The one who's gonna turn 3 on Wednesday. She's the cranky one. And my gma. I think she's in a permanent bad mood though. I seem to always be ticking her off. I just want everybody to go to bed and shut up. LMAO. Hahaha.

We're about to watch Lady and the Tramp II. I haven't seen it in a while. I don't even think I know what it's about. I'll end up not watching it anyway. I'll do some fill-it-ins while lying on the couch. And try not to fall asleep. Right now, they are watching The Berenstain Bears. COOL.

So, I'mma go for now, though. I'll show you pictures of the dogs I had been looking at. Too adorable. I wish I could afford to adopt them all!

Snip, snap, snout,
this blog's told out

Sound the Alarm

2009-01-24T01:04:00.003-06:00

Nix the phoenix, nix the rose bud, nix anything else. THIS is THE first tattoo I am getting. Just gotta find an artist. I know who I'd like to do it, but I don't think she'd like that. Maybe when Kyle and I were still together. LOL

-trumpets sounding-

A nautical star. A nautical star means "guidance". It is often used for sailors. And my grandfather (R. I. P.) was a sailor. And it's going behind my left ear. That's the actual size and coloring I want too. Is a little bit bigger than my index fingertip. Probably about as big as my big toe.

And I Like the Way It Feels

2009-01-23T01:31:00.012-06:00

This next entry is completely hand written ( other than this). Deal with it!